a new kind of job description

yesterday i asked a student to write a job description for me. "as your advisor," i said, "just write what you expect of me and be as specific as possible."

i'm still learning what it means to be the director of student life, but more importantly, i am still learning what it means to be in (and about) student development. am i helping to develop strong students? am i helping to develop solid leadership? am i helping to develop open-minded individuals? how will i know if i don't ask?

so i asked one of my student leaders to write a job description for me as his advisor. this may be the best document i will ever observe. i have goals for my job and the university has expectations as well, but it is the student who matters the most.

colleagues of mine would disagree with my request. they would argue that as experienced adults, we know more of what our students need than they do themselves. they are not entirely wrong... we do know more about life. we have studied human development and leadership strategy. sure, we know more than they do.

but they know some stuff too. they know what they want (which, argumentatively, may or may not equate with what they need). they know how they learn best. they know what their goals are in life and how college fits into their master plan (or maybe the Master's plan?).

one of the key note speakers at a recent conference asked the audience what God would say if he asked God about each of us and, alternatively, what would our students say about us? would they say the same thing? or would there be a discrepency? if there is, then something needs to change. i thought about that a lot...

the same theory applies to our jobs, i think. what would my supervisor and the administration as a whole say if you asked them about how well i perform at this job? what would my students say?

what if dr. sharples said, "yeah, havaleh does great work and is continually striving to be even better" but my students said, "eh, havs is alright but i really wish that she would spend more one-on-one time with us..." or what if my students said, "havaleh rocks. she helps us plan awesome events and is always there when we need her" but the administration said, "well, havaleh seems to be popular with the students, but her work is somewhat lacking. either she doesn't understand what the university expects of her area, or she simply doesn't care." this would not be good. in both scenarios someone loses. in both scenarios i have not done my job properly.

so, to my colleagues who would say that i am crazy....well, so be it. i think there can be a balance between pleasing the expectations of the university AND its students.

all this to say that i'm really excited to see what justin comes back to me with. i'm ready to take steps forward (or backward, depending on what he finds) in my leadership with our students according to what they perceive their own needs to be.

wisdom from nine inch nails, really?

"bow down before the one you serve.
you're going to get what you deserve..." ~ trent reznor


sometimes i forget who i'm serving. i lose sight of my path. i look back and i see poor decisions and wasted opportunities. my latest regret is one that some friends would slap me for calling it such. they would say that i had fun and to quit worrying about it. i can't help but wonder if i wasted an opportunity for what could have been a new friendship. i'm not dwelling on the specificity of the instance, but more about my attitude going into it all. what is the bigger picture here?

i find myself asking, who am i? and who do i show the world that i am? and why are they not always the same? i have a tendency to either come on too strong or alternatively, too passive. out of fear of being too shy, i am sometimes a bit too sarcastic or too bold with people i've just met. out of fear of being too intense, i sometimes appear apathetic.

neither is the real me. i fall somewhere in the middle.

here are the things i know to be true about myself:

• i am an imperfect person who screws up regularly
• God loves me and accepts my apologies with generous grace
• i continually ask God to use my mentors to teach me how to be a better me
• nothing is more exciting to me than a great conversation
• music touches my soul in ways that nothing else can
• my heart aches for the injustices of the world
• because of this, friends have named me "social justice girl" and professors have called me a feminist
• neither of those classifications bother me
• my heart has been bruised and even beaten, but it has never broken
• i sometimes wonder if i will ever live up to the expectations others have set for me
• currently, i am not living up to the expectation i have of myself
• currently, i am not living up to the expectation God has for me

so whom do i bow before? money? lust? success? the Lord?

"no servant can serve two masters. either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." ~ luke 16:13

who do i serve? and am i getting what i deserve?

with the usual play on sexuality and violence, reznor's 'head like a hole' digs deeper in asking "who do you serve?" we could fight all day about what the song is really about - sex, capitalism, addiction, etc - but what if the song is really saying something similar to luke? are you going to give into money? lust? success? or are you going to serve something or someone greater? whatever your answer, there can only be one. you can only bow before one.

who do you choose?