sacrifice what surrounds you

"what breaks your heart? what makes you want to stand up for what you believe in? and what do you have to see everyday to remind you of what's important?"

i write today from a hotel room in brooklyn. it's too easy for me to say that i've sacrificed a lot of my normal environment over the past few days because i've been living out of a suitcase, but what i'd like to talk about is a different kind of change in my surroundings.

last night, as i rode the train from midtown back to brooklyn i stared through the window at the graffitti on the inner subway tunnel walls as we shot through the earth at nauseating speeds. it made me think about a book i read in middle school about a boy who lived in the subway tunnels, eating from trash cans and collecting dropped pennies to buy necessities. i thought about his nightly battle with rats and the syringes scattered along the tunnel floors. i thought about how the writer described the dance with fear and courage as the subway trains raced by, only inches from the boy's fingers, toes, or face.

around the canal street stop or so, a man stepped onto our car and stood near our little group. he smiled a huge toothless smile and watched my friends talk and laugh and joke together. a few stops later, he exited the train. as he climbed the stairs right outside of my window i watched as his toes peaked through large holes and his socked heels spilled over the back of tennis shoes that were much too small for his feet.

my heart grew weary and it made me think about my life as of late. i am speeding through life focused only on myself. it's easy when you live in suburbia and drive yourself to work each day to forget about anyone other than yourself. it's also fairly easy to research the issues, write letters to congress, volunteer for local organizations or simply spread the word and educate others about the cause.

i haven't yet decided what will change in my apartment and my office when i return home, but for now the change of community is opening my eyes and reminding me on a daily basis of the work left to do for the poor in our neighborhoods. i may not share a subway ride with them in indy but they are there, just the same.




Week One Challenge: Sacrifice What Surrounds You from World Vision ACT:S on Vimeo.

what are you willing to sacrifice?

here we go, lent 2012. last year i spent 40 days reconnecting with my faith on a deeply spiritual level. each day i wrote prayers, liturgies, letters to God. it's amazing for me to look back through those entries here and to see how much deeper my connection with my Creator was by the end.

this year, i was looking for another meaningful lenton project when i saw one of my favorite artists (scott erikson) tweet about world vision's reLENTless act:s of sacrifice. i immediately signed up. this was a project i could get behind. over the next six weeks i'm going to explore how acts of sacrifice can reorient my everyday life. each week i will receive a challenge to explore this idea of sacrifice in specific areas of my life and to put that thought into creative action.

to begin, why is it important that we think about sacrifice? why should we be sacrificial?
"the short answer...is because Christ did." ~ propaganda.

and how do i define sacrifice? we sacrifice when we give up part of ourselves for someone other or something greater than ourselves. furthermore, it's not just charity. it's not just giving money we won't miss or cleaning my closet of old clothes that don't fit anymore. as jonathan said, "God did not give us hand-me-downs."

so what am i willing to sacrifice this season of lent? my millennial need for accolades and fear of rejection. no, it's not selling everything i own and moving to south america, but it's what i feel God calling me to do and that makes it worthy.

my commitments for the next 6 weeks:
- stick with the act:s project. even if i'm traveling. even if i'm exhausted. especially if it's hard.
- reach out to the united methodist publishing house and inquire about curriculum writing
- officially become a member of my church
- contact the youth pastor and inquire about volunteer opportunities

this may not sound like much to you. for me, though, these are big deal commitments. i've never had the opportunity to be anonymous at a church before. for 8 months i've been attending church without anyone knowing me. growing up, it was (i won't say required...) expected that i attend worship. since college, it has been my job to attend worship. this is the first time in my life that church is an option.

i have to say, it's been nice to go to church without any responsibilities. i can see why it's so easy for so many to fall into that pattern. but my Creator blessed me with experience and education that prepared me to offer something more to the church. i believe that i am sinning by not utilizing my gifts within the church. it will be difficult to get involved in the church. i'm an introvert and i'm shy and I'm somewhat socially awkward. as i meet new people and try out different small groups that fear of rejection will keep my heart pumping, that is for certain. then as i apply to volunteer with the youth programming, i will come face-to-face with a whole host of other challenges.

and then there's reaching out the um publishing house. when i was in college, i dreamed of writing curriculum for the publishing house. i got a job in youth ministry because i felt that it was important to have that experience before writing the curriculum. i stand by that decision, but i also recognize that as the months then years passed i all too quickly let go of the dream of writing. now, here i am today with a full-time job writing curriculum for my Fraternity. it's time that i put myself out there and take the risk to see if that original dream can ever come true.

will this be a sacrifice of my time? yes. but more importantly it will be an offering of the gifts God has granted me.

i don't feel called to move to another country or to found a social justice organization. for a long time i felt guilty about that. i saw college friends move to africa to work at orphanages. i saw others work for organizations building wells in developing countries so they will have clean water. what was i doing and how could it compare?


if i'm honest, the real question i was asking was, "how could i compare?"

i care too much about myself and what people think of me. the terrifying idea of rejection looms too near. i don't contact a publisher because i fear they won't want my book. i don't talk to the man at the market because i fear he'll think i'm weird. i care entirely too much. this lenton season, i'm sacrificing the comfort of my complacent life by taking chances i've been too fearful to risk, in one case for a decade now.

"it's gonna be a challenge, but it will be worth it." ~ sam

if any of this sounds interesting to you, i encourage you to join the challenge. also, check out this bible study resource uc irvine created to use in a weekly small group with students. 

"and so, dear brothers and sisters, i plead with you to give yourselves to God because of all he has done for you. let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. this is truly the way to worship him. don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" ~ romans 12.1-2

what coffee and flowers have in common

this morning, as i poured my second cup of coffee i couldn't help but smile. grandpa always drank coffee when went we went out to eat. it didn't matter what meal it was - breakfast, lunch or dinner - he always ordered a cup of coffee. as waitresses would stop by to check on our table and see if he wanted a refill, he would always say "sure, warm me up". it never made sense to me.

until this morning.

did i need that second cup of coffee? nope. did i even want that second cup of coffee? not really. but the little bit left of my first cup was lukewarm because apparently i wasn't drinking it quickly enough. it needed warmed up.

funny how something so small can completely change your day. all day, i have felt grandpa with me. he was with me in the kitchen at work as i poured that second cup of coffee. he was with me as i ever-so-lightly stroked pete's head as we made our way to ohio. he was with me as i passed grocery stores where men walked to their cars with last minute valentine's day flowers.

ask anyone, and they'll tell you. my memory is missing some vital hardware or something because i can barely remember which fake name i've given the lady at the counter when they call it out loud five minutes later as my sandwich order is filled.

i don't remember much, so most of this story comes from the story i've heard over the years. really, grandma is the one who tells it best, but i'll try my hardest to get it right.

one year, many years ago, i learned that my grandpa had never given my grandma flowers. never. in the decades that they had been married, he had never once shown up at the door with so much as a single flower for her.

grandma says that i was outraged and i told him that it was simply pitiful. (she makes a lot out of quoting me here, when she tells the story. she probably says the word pitiful about seven times before moving on with the story. ...the thing is...pitiful doesn't sound like something i would say. pathetic? sure. but pitiful? i'm not sold. regardless, grandma's storytelling always includes a great emphasis on the word, so i don't question it.)

a little while later, i sent grandma flowers and signed the card "pitiful". (or at least, that's how grandma tells it. again, i don't question her on the facts, but i would imagine the truth is that i mentioned it to mom and dad and they did it all.)

grandma loves this story. you should see how much she smiles and laughs as she tells it.

i love the story too. because if you read between the light-hearted lines, you'll find a beautiful love story.

here was a woman who didn't complain because her husband never bought her flowers. she laughed about it. here was a women who didn't question her marriage or her husband's love because he didn't buy her pretty things or offer her grand gestures. she didn't need flowers to know he loved her.

maybe it's because he never let the love run cold. maybe it's because he was consistently warming it up.

love isn't meant to be a sprint. it's a marathon. and if you're going to make it for the long haul, the relationship is going to need constant care and attention. it's going to need to get warmed up every chance you get.

want another fun story? my dad worked at a flower shop when he and my mother were dating and you know what he used to send my mom? dead flowers. yes, DEAD flowers. clearly the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. (he claims it's because mom would make potpourri out of them. she defends him.)

i may joke, but i pray that i can find a love like that of my parents and my grandparents: the kind that doesn't need flowers. the kind that never gets cold.

on second thought

first, i saw a facebook post: "no more komen for me!". then, i commenced a google search for articles and found "susan g komen foundation pulls planned parenthood funding".

initial reaction: disappointment.

...but then i got to thinking...

and i thought,
"good for them".

now, let me be clear, i believe in the mission of planned parenthood and remain disappointed that they have lost funding for the tens of thousands of breast exams they perform every year. but i also believe in putting your money where your heart is. and if the board of susan g komen does not believe in the mission and practices of planned parenthood, then i respect them for standing behind what they believe in.

several years ago i quit shopping at hobby lobby after hearing rumors that they donated money to westboro baptist church. however, upon researching the claim, i found no evidence to support it. needless to say, i still don't shop at hobby lobby, but that's simply because i quit being crafty a long time ago.

similarly, i boycotted chick fil a years ago after hearing rumors that they donate money to anti-gay organizations. these claims, unfortunately, are true. they give money to the fellowship of christian athletes, among other similar organizations.

what's wrong with fca, you ask? well, they do a lot of things really well. i love that it is an organization focused on a particular type of student (athletes) bringing faith alive in every facet of their lives, including on the field/court/rink/etc. what i do not agree with, however, is their stance on homosexuality. although you won't see it on their website or spelled out in their creeds, i have seen their leader applications (remember, i used to work in youth and young adult ministry) and it requires leaders to sign that they believe homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle that goes against the christian faith. i simply can't get behind that.

while i can disagree with and be disappointed by these organizations and the things they believe, i have to respect them for truly standing behind those beliefs. isn't that how i live my life? funding the organizations and voting for public servants who will fight for the very issues i believe in?

i also have to believe that we all can change. that individual attitudes and beliefs can change and because of that our organizations, businesses and even societies can change as well.

for example, i spent a lot of energy hating toms shoes since the business was founded. i heard blake speak at a conference and was initially enamored with the idea. "so you're telling me that i can buy a pair of fairly overpriced shoes and you'll deliver a free pair to a child in need in a developing country? that's so easy!"

then reality set in and i realized that it went against everything i had learned about true ethical responsibility. as kelsey timmerman puts it, it goes back to the give a man a fish or teach a man to fish question. here we are giving children shoes, but we aren't solving their economic situation. sure, shoes will get them into school so they can get an education. but kids grow fast. feet grow fast. what will one year of school really do? and what are we doing having shoes made in china then delivering them to developing countries? why aren't we utilizing local businesses and artisans to make the shoes? why aren't we stimulating their economy with good, fair, honest work and wages?

i could go on about this for hours. i've done it before.

but you know what has happened since toms was founded? progress. they are now offering health and education programs and are utilizing some locally made shoes in ethiopia. ...baby steps.

people can change. people can change other people. when people change, so do organizations and businesses and, one day, societies.

i hope all of us will learn from the komen foundation's recent financial decision. i hope that our disappointment will turn to action and that we too will stand up for what we believe in, even if we're standing alone (like the cheesy pre-teen poster said). even if it incites a large portion of the nation against you.

i hope that we will stand up not only by boycotting or criticizing though. i hope that we will support the organizations we believe in with our time and our talents. put your money where your mouth is, people. and if you're looking for a place to start, well, planned parenthood looks like they could use a few donations these days.


**also, i should say that the komen foundation has not come out saying that this was a political move or an ethical decision. so, to claim that they pulled the funding for those reasons is speculation on my part.