30.b4.30 - the kill order

i've been telling everyone about the maze runner series for about a year now. i was looking for something to read after the hunger games, and my middle school lit teacher best friend suggested it. i read the first book in two days. the next two books of the series were finished shortly thereafter. then, there was talk of a fourth book: the kill order, a prequel to the trilogy. i had to read it.

but i didn't. not right away, at least. instead, i put it on my christmas wish list.

everyone around me was reading it. all these people i had sold the idea of this fabulous book series to were reading ahead of me and i was left behind.

so after months of hushing friends before they ruined the secrets of the book, i gave in. i went online and reserved a copy at the library. two days before leaving indy for christmas holiday, i picked it up. two days into my christmas holiday in ohio, i finished the book.

it was STUNNING. it was bloody and nasty and thrilling and mysterious and everything i expected it to be. it answered the questions the trilogy had left wide open and it left me with a sense of closure the last had left me wanting.

i was blissfully content.

until today, when i unwrapped a gift from my parents: the kill order. it was on my list, and they were devastated when they saw me reading it when i arrived to town. i thanked them and explained that i owned the other books, so it would be nice to add this one to the collection, even if i had already read it.

then i noticed that the cover said that this edition of the book had "barnes and noble exclusive" top secrets from WICKED (that's an organization in the book - if you read it, you'll know what it is). i quickly turned to the back and found an extra chapter. a short chapter, revealing one last secret. answering one last question. coloring the characters that much brighter. telling the story that much fuller.

i am content with my life. i find happiness every day. and every day i feel loved. but sometimes i wonder...what if a better life is out there waiting for me? what if i've settled for something less than i could be? what if there is a different edition of my life's story, with a "barnes and noble exclusive" extra chapter...revealing another secret, answering another question, coloring brighter characters, telling a fuller story?

maybe i've settled for the library loaner life, but i guess you could say that the exclusive edition is still on my wish list.

family dinners

last night, i introduced my friend katie to some of my oldest and dearest friends at a monthly family dinner tradition. she was skeptical, to say the least. she always has been. how could i still be friends with the same people i sat next to in grade school? there's no way that people maintain solid friendships over so many years, across such distances and amidst varying life stages?

last night she was proven wrong.

these people are not just old friends. they are friends of today too.

it was almost surreal, seeing two of my worlds come together so quietly. friends who have been a part of my life for as long as i can remember and have stuck with me, despite it all, and katie, who was my friend and roommate and it's safe to say that we saved each other through two pretty traumatic events that solidified our friendship as one for a lifetime. i think i was simply observing the conversational dance that played out throughout the evening.

my grateful heart also took time to recognize just how blessed i am to have friends around that table and elsewhere who have found such incredible partners in their spouses. they married only one, but they got the friends as bonuses. they are men and women who have embraced me and welcomed me into their lives as well.

heck, one friend's husband called me a couple of weeks ago to get my thoughts on his big family present for this christmas. he has welcomed me at family dinners, surprised his wife with weekend getaways with me and has even invited me to join their family vacations. he's more than just my friend's husband. he's become my friend too. i don't know that i can ever express just how thankful i am that she found such a man who loves her so incredibly AND a man who accepts my crazy friendship as part of the packaged deal.

then tonight, as i was sitting down to dinner at my grandma's, i got the phone call that i knew was coming. another dear friend is now engaged to be married. and i am thrilled to say that he is a man who not only values her and loves her and challenges her and accepts her and builds her up and brings out the best in her, he also values her friendship with me and allows us to be our silly selves whenever i am in town. i look forward to the family dinners i will have with the two of them as they start their married life.

i am blessed. far more than i could ever put into words on a page. blessed with beautiful lifelong friends. and blessed with the new friendships i have found in the men and women my friends have chosen to spend their lives with.

and to the gentleman who is now engaged to one of my dearest: welcome to the family :)