being myself ...but better

"i just hope that you aren't changing who you are for this..."

she said it so seriously that the tension in the room almost made me giggle. (i laugh when i'm nervous, but anyone reading this knows that about me already.)

katie has been a best friend almost since the day i met her. she has always allowed me to be myself. actually, she's begged me to be myself every moment that we are together. if i am anything but truly me, she automatically questions it.

i love this about her. i love this about our friendship.

so the other night when she asked me if i was somehow changing who i am for my job, well, i hesitated. i haven't felt like i needed to change anything for my job. ...but katie knows me so well. maybe she is seeing something i don't?

people said the same thing when i joined my fraternity ten years ago. i remember one longtime friend in particular saying, "what, now you're going to be a barbie or something?"

i didn't have the right words for those friends ten years ago, and i didn't have a good explanation for katie either. but i think i do now. (i'm an internal processor. i need time to think about things before i respond.)

for the past few years i lived in a village. a VILLAGE, people. it's not like i completely let myself go to the point of needing an intervention or anything, but i surely wasn't taking care of myself either. what was the point? there was nowhere to grow in my job. and the most interaction i saw each day was with college students who thought pajamas were acceptable for class and mac 'n' cheese should be considered as a food group of its own. who did i have to impress? where was my challenge?

now that i am back among the living, i care a little more. this is a good thing.

i have been more thoughtful of my appearance than i have been in recent years. and yes, i have been more concerned with physical fitness and healthy nutrition. the same thought processes changed when i made my decision that fateful bid day friday ten years ago.

because membership in my fraternity makes me want to be better.

and not just better looking, although those are the easiest to recognize at first glance. i have a renewed connection to my faith. a renewed commitment to seeking social justice. a renewed positivity in what each day can bring.

our new fraternity tagline charges us to "live with purpose" and i intend to live with purpose every day. so, i purposefully style my appearance not to distract from my intelligence. i purposefully make healthy living a priority. i purposefully try to find new ways to challenge myself and my creativity. i purposefully seek out opportunities to contribute to my community.

if membership in an organization doesn't make you want to be a better person, then what's the point? and if the work you do each day doesn't challenge you to seek more, to learn more, to do more, to be more, then maybe it's time to find another job.