day twenty-eight

"God performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
   miracles that cannot be counted.
when he passes me, i cannot see him;
   when he goes by, i cannot perceive him.
if he snatches away, who can stop him?
   who can say to him, ‘what are you doing?’"

~ job 9.10-12, new international version


my favorite hymn is "precious Lord, take my hand".  i've always loved the soulful moan of the song.  the blue heartbeat that keeps it moving and the deep sighs that hold it back.  so many times in my life i've connect with the lyric in ways that no other words could describe.

"i am weak. i am tired. i am lone.
through the storm, through night...
lead me on to the light.
take my hand, precious Lord,
and lead me home."

but what about the times when you can't feel God's hand in yours?  when the Great Comfort simply isn't present.  when you can't feel the Arms of Grace enfolding you.  when you beg for your Deliverer, but find no refuge.  what about then?

if you're me, then you yell and you scream through your prayer.  you express that hate with every fiber of your being like the child still crawling around inside of you.

but if you're job.  well, if you're job you act much differently.  job perseveres in faith of a God who has seemingly abandoned him.  instead of yelling and screaming and hating God, job marvels at the wonder of such a Creator with quiet reverence.

job's story is found in the hebrew torah and talmud, the christian old testament, and in the qur'an.  all three depict job as a man whose unwavering faith in God remained despite temptation from the devil while God's protection was set aside.  his family, his wealth, even his health is taken from him but he remains faithful.  although he asks God for a reason, he never curses God or walks away.

man.

i wish i had that kind of faith.  i wish i was that loyal.  but the truth is that i'll even leave a church if the choir sings out of tune.

unless i feel God's hand in mine, i find it too easy to stray away from the One who gave me life itself.  if only i wasn't also given free will.  then maybe i'd do better with this whole loyal faith idea.  but then again, that wouldn't be love, would it?

i need to learn to have a faith like job's.  i need to learn that even though i may not be holding The Hand that holds the world, The Eyes are still on me and The Heart still loves me.