day twenty-four

"Papa, Father, you can—can't you?—get me out of this. take this cup away from me. but please, not what I want—what do you want?" 

~ mark 14.36, the message



faithful scholars over the years have debated this bit of scripture and concluded very different reasons for Jesus prayer.  does he already know that he will die in a matter of hours?  is he trying to get out of it?  is he scared?  is he bargaining with God?  is he going through the motions to fulfill the old testament prophecy?

this is one of those christian debates i stay out of.  i can't see inside of Jesus' mind, so i'm not even going to pretend that i know why he prayed the prayer he did.

too often my prayers are similar to Jesus' prayer in the garden.  "do this. please do this. you can, right? please do it.  please, please.  you've got to.  please? ...but, not my will but yours."  unlike Jesus, my prayers are like this because i already have my mind made up.  if i am completely honest, i'm really not interested in what God wants.  most of the time i am absolutely set on how i think my life should be and what i believe needs to happen.  i spend my time praying for what i want instead of listening to where God leads.

when i was doing my college internship in lewisburg in the summer of 2004, i created a breath prayer that has stuck with me.  for seven years i have been reciting the same prayer: "Father God, may Your will be my will."  i pray this prayer constantly - as i brush my teeth, wash my hair, feed my pets, iron my clothes, cook my meals, as i walk and live and breath each day.  it is so natural to me that most of the time i don't even realize i'm praying, but i find the words running through my head subconsciously.  for seven years i have been praying the same prayer, hoping that one day it will finally sink in and i'll truly accept it.

Papa Father.  may Your will be my will.  amen.