somehow i got sucked in to watching the season finale of the bachelorette. didn't watch a single episode all season, but i saw so many of my friends posting messages on facebook about the finale that i had to watch.
when the finale was over, a new show on abc premiered: dating in the dark. i got sucked in again.
if you haven't seen previews for it, the show is a dating experiment where three girls and three guys meet in a completely darkened room and date without ever seeing each other. weird, yeah?
it got me thinking...aren't we all just dating in the dark? i never really know the men on the other side of the dinner table. the more i get to know them, the more questions i have. people are complex and no one can be taken at face value.
maybe we're all in the dark reaching our arms out and hoping there's someone to hold, calling out praying that we're not alone.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
sushi 101
typically, when faced with new experiences i like to pretend like i'm a pro. i don't like people to know that i've lived a pretty sheltered life. this time, however, i owned up to my lack of life experience and i let marisa and her friends tutor me in the ways of the japanese culinary creation known as sushi.
i decided not to even look at the menu as aaron, amy, and marisa ordered our dinner. i had no idea what they were ordering, but when our food was served, well it looked beautiful. later i would find out that they had picked some salmon, tuna, white fish, and eel.
i watched as marisa pulled her chosticks out of the paper wrapper and broke them apart. i mimicked her every move. then amy perpared a plate for me with such delicate use of her chopsticks that i decided she would be who i asked to teach me how to use my own. aaron seemed astounded that i would be new to all of this. what can i say? i grew up outside of amish country. i ate my rice with a fork.
what a learning experience. and what fun!
i decided not to even look at the menu as aaron, amy, and marisa ordered our dinner. i had no idea what they were ordering, but when our food was served, well it looked beautiful. later i would find out that they had picked some salmon, tuna, white fish, and eel.
i watched as marisa pulled her chosticks out of the paper wrapper and broke them apart. i mimicked her every move. then amy perpared a plate for me with such delicate use of her chopsticks that i decided she would be who i asked to teach me how to use my own. aaron seemed astounded that i would be new to all of this. what can i say? i grew up outside of amish country. i ate my rice with a fork.
what a learning experience. and what fun!
Friday, July 24, 2009
marching bands of manhattan
i wish we could open our eyes
to see in all directions at the same time
oh what a beautiful view
if you were never aware of what was around you
and it is true what you said
that i live like a hermit in my own head
but when the sun shines again
i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in
sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
but while you debate half empty or half full
it slowly rises
your love is gonna drown
death cab for cutie
to see in all directions at the same time
oh what a beautiful view
if you were never aware of what was around you
and it is true what you said
that i live like a hermit in my own head
but when the sun shines again
i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in
sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
but while you debate half empty or half full
it slowly rises
your love is gonna drown
death cab for cutie
late night rambling
how do you tell someone you've known you're whole adult life that he is the one you want to come home to every night?
i've had a crush on him for years. probably since we first became friends. on more dramatic days, i would tell you that i've loved him since i first saw him. i don't necessarily think that's true, but a crush...well, i'll own up to that.
i wonder sometimes how my life might be different if i actually found the courage to tell him. would he feel the same way? would it be some fairy tale ending like you see in movies? or would it be the end of a cherished friendship. is the possible bliss worth risking years of friendship?
once, when i shared my little secret with a mutual friend, he responded with utter surprise. he had no idea. this made me question my approach. all of these years i have held myself back, worried that i would flirt too much or get too comfortable and he would discover how i feel and it would ruin what we have. maybe i've held back too much...
or maybe not. maybe there is a reason why i've never really pursued this dream. maybe deep down i know that he doesn't feel the same way. or maybe deep down i know that it wouldn't work, even if he did.
my old friends would tell you that i was quite the bold girl and that i always went for what i wanted. friends today who didn't know me then would tell you that i'm quiet, reserved, polite... what happened over the past 8 years? now, i would never dream of making the first move. the fear of rejection is just too strong.
still, i can't help but wonder "what if"...
and so, tonight, with the thunder quaking and with my windows noisily trembling in fear, i'm sending my soul out into the cosmos and asking my Creator for some sense of a sign. because it's been too long.
it's not like i haven't dated or that i've been sitting around waiting for him to get a clue. i just feel like i need to either go for it, or give it up for good. thoughts?
i've had a crush on him for years. probably since we first became friends. on more dramatic days, i would tell you that i've loved him since i first saw him. i don't necessarily think that's true, but a crush...well, i'll own up to that.
i wonder sometimes how my life might be different if i actually found the courage to tell him. would he feel the same way? would it be some fairy tale ending like you see in movies? or would it be the end of a cherished friendship. is the possible bliss worth risking years of friendship?
once, when i shared my little secret with a mutual friend, he responded with utter surprise. he had no idea. this made me question my approach. all of these years i have held myself back, worried that i would flirt too much or get too comfortable and he would discover how i feel and it would ruin what we have. maybe i've held back too much...
or maybe not. maybe there is a reason why i've never really pursued this dream. maybe deep down i know that he doesn't feel the same way. or maybe deep down i know that it wouldn't work, even if he did.
my old friends would tell you that i was quite the bold girl and that i always went for what i wanted. friends today who didn't know me then would tell you that i'm quiet, reserved, polite... what happened over the past 8 years? now, i would never dream of making the first move. the fear of rejection is just too strong.
still, i can't help but wonder "what if"...
and so, tonight, with the thunder quaking and with my windows noisily trembling in fear, i'm sending my soul out into the cosmos and asking my Creator for some sense of a sign. because it's been too long.
it's not like i haven't dated or that i've been sitting around waiting for him to get a clue. i just feel like i need to either go for it, or give it up for good. thoughts?
Monday, July 20, 2009
missing pieces
ikea delivered my couch this morning. i have waited two long weeks of sitting on the floor in my living room for this furniture to be delivered. although i have been quite patient, i was extremely anxious to rip open the boxes today and begin assembling this new sofa. piece by piece i began joyously pulling it together it before i realized that they had forgotten to deliver one of the boxes. i had a couch and even had cushions, but i did not have any armrests.
and so i sit on my armless couch and silently scream out into the universe: "what is with all of the missing pieces in my life!?"
i love my job. i love the work, i love the students, i love the team i work with. i love everything about it. i love my house, even with all of its many flaws. i even love misenheimer. as much as i love the city, i think i'm a small town girl to the core. i am in a great situation with so much going for me that i feel guilty for not being happy.
but i'm not. happy, that is. i'm not happy.
i'm not necessarily UNhappy. but i'm not happy, either. some thing is missing.
like sitting on my beautiful armless couch, i am living this less than life. i know what the missing piece is. i know what's missing. but just like my arm rests from ikea, it is en route. and i haven't the foggiest clue as to when it will be delivered.
and so i sit on my armless couch and silently scream out into the universe: "what is with all of the missing pieces in my life!?"
i love my job. i love the work, i love the students, i love the team i work with. i love everything about it. i love my house, even with all of its many flaws. i even love misenheimer. as much as i love the city, i think i'm a small town girl to the core. i am in a great situation with so much going for me that i feel guilty for not being happy.
but i'm not. happy, that is. i'm not happy.
i'm not necessarily UNhappy. but i'm not happy, either. some thing is missing.
like sitting on my beautiful armless couch, i am living this less than life. i know what the missing piece is. i know what's missing. but just like my arm rests from ikea, it is en route. and i haven't the foggiest clue as to when it will be delivered.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
from dvr to mug shots
imagine this: you're finishing up a show on dvr when your tv goes back to current tv. it happens to be the news. and suddenly you see the mug shot of a kid you know.
this is what happened for rich just before he called me tonight with the news.
i wanted to refuse to believe the allegations. i couldn't process what i was hearing. i had to see it for myself, so i did what anyone else would do - i googled it. and there it was. i saw the photo, watched the surveillence footage, and read the local news article. i wanted to continue in disbelief, but it appears that the police have some hard evience.
he is still just a child in my mind, but he will most likely be tried as an adult. i can remember so clearly him walking into my office and telling me that he ran the church, haha. he is such a funny kid. and while he was always a bit ornry, even after seeing this news, i cannot doubt his good spirit.
"does hallmark make a card for this?" rich asked as we brainstormed ways to show our support to the family. it was a joke, but seriously - how do you let someone know that you saw their kid on the news and you want them to know that you're there for them? all i can say for now is that i am flooding God's ears with prayers for this young man and his family. what else can i do?
the news anchors and journalists share the report with an air of "eh, it's just more rotten kids doing more rotten stuff" and the people who have commented on the online news reports are going on and on about these good for nothing kids and how the world's going to hell in a hand basket. all of these people are forgetting that these kids have families and communities who love and care for them. they have parents, teachers, preachers, mentors, and even peers who have tried everything to teach them right from wrong, and while i am one of those people for one of these teens, i will not say that we failed. because that would be saying that he is a failure, and he is not.
it's like my mom always used to say, "i may not like what you're doing right now, but i will always love you." 1) "right now" - this is but a bad decision. he can come out of this a stronger man with a new outlook on life. 2) "always" - unconditional love is just that: unconditional.
i believe in this kid. and i truly believe that he can do great things in this world. we (because it truly does take a village to raise a child/adult) can turn this life around.
this is what happened for rich just before he called me tonight with the news.
i wanted to refuse to believe the allegations. i couldn't process what i was hearing. i had to see it for myself, so i did what anyone else would do - i googled it. and there it was. i saw the photo, watched the surveillence footage, and read the local news article. i wanted to continue in disbelief, but it appears that the police have some hard evience.
he is still just a child in my mind, but he will most likely be tried as an adult. i can remember so clearly him walking into my office and telling me that he ran the church, haha. he is such a funny kid. and while he was always a bit ornry, even after seeing this news, i cannot doubt his good spirit.
"does hallmark make a card for this?" rich asked as we brainstormed ways to show our support to the family. it was a joke, but seriously - how do you let someone know that you saw their kid on the news and you want them to know that you're there for them? all i can say for now is that i am flooding God's ears with prayers for this young man and his family. what else can i do?
the news anchors and journalists share the report with an air of "eh, it's just more rotten kids doing more rotten stuff" and the people who have commented on the online news reports are going on and on about these good for nothing kids and how the world's going to hell in a hand basket. all of these people are forgetting that these kids have families and communities who love and care for them. they have parents, teachers, preachers, mentors, and even peers who have tried everything to teach them right from wrong, and while i am one of those people for one of these teens, i will not say that we failed. because that would be saying that he is a failure, and he is not.
it's like my mom always used to say, "i may not like what you're doing right now, but i will always love you." 1) "right now" - this is but a bad decision. he can come out of this a stronger man with a new outlook on life. 2) "always" - unconditional love is just that: unconditional.
i believe in this kid. and i truly believe that he can do great things in this world. we (because it truly does take a village to raise a child/adult) can turn this life around.
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