when i played with legos, i wasn't just building structures - i was building the stage for my stories. when i played with american girl dolls and barbies, i wasn't dressing them up and fixing their hair - i was dressing them appropriately for the next scene of the play.
after all these years, i'm still playing pretend.
i think a lot of us do.
like when i let the near stranger hold my hand as we walk down the hall. or when i close my eyes as he kisses my forehead goodbye. just to have one small moment of intimacy with another being.
but it's a false intimacy.we're playing pretend.
because to me, holding a hand means that i'm yours. it means that i'm not alone. that you're journeying beside me, facing what's around the next corner with me.
and a kiss on the forehead? that means that you know my insecurities and you love me anyway. it means that you know my struggle as well as my strength.
in purest form, these cannot truly be shared with strangers.
i can assume that some of you are thinking, "wow, havs - these are pretty innocent interactions and you're placing far too much weight on them."
maybe i am. maybe you and i are different. and that's okay. for me, though, holding a hand is more intimate than any other touch, kissing a forehead more intimate than any other embrace.
so when we play this age-old game of pretend, we fake the intimacy we desire. like if i let him hold my hand, maybe i can forget for a moment that this will be short-lived and i'll be on my own again in a few quick hours.
i've come a long way since playing with dolls as a child,
but sometimes i wonder if i'll ever stop playing pretend.
