Wednesday, April 25, 2012

in a slow motion blur

do you ever feel like you are in the eye of the storm? because that's how i feel these days. like everything is whirling around me at light speed and yet here i am, still chilling on my couch with pete curled up on one side of me and mr. darcy snoring on the other, macbook on my lap as i type away, creating graph after graph, chart after chart, slide after slide.

sometimes it feels like one of those dramatic cinematic moments when the camera zeros in on the main character, standing silently, slow-motion still in the middle of a train station while the crowds around her are moving so quickly they are but a blur.

that's how i feel.

like i'm in slow motion while the world around me is moving so quickly it's but a blur.

but i'd be a fool to believe that i'm not included in the fast-paced life that surrounds me. and although i've tried to ignore it, my body has started to force me to recognize that i, too, need to refocus and find balance. because walking around so distracted and disjointed in slow motion is just as bad as racing through life with blinders on. you miss things.

last night, as i sat in the medcheck waiting room, falling in and out of sleep as i patiently waited to see a doctor about my random ailment, i realized just how fast i'd been going. i had to make my doctor's appointment for 10:15pm because that's the only time that would work for me. and as my mind drifted in and out of consciousness, i couldn't help but laugh at myself (only in my head. don't worry - i didn't scare the strangers by being the girl in the corner laughing at her imaginary friends) and the fact that this moment - sitting in a waiting room at 11pm at night - was the first time in weeks that i could just sit and BE.

work is wonderful. volunteering is awesome. and i'm finally building a community here in indy. all of these things are important and healthy components of a balanced life. but i can't forget to make time for me. just me. me and my Maker.

time to soak in the mighty Silence.
time to breathe.
time to just be.

because i am, in fact, an introvert. and while so much of my life forces me to live out my extroverted alter-ego, at the core i still gain my energy from being alone and able to clear my head.

so tonight, i clear my head.
tonight, i listen to explosion in the sky's 'your hand in mine' and feel Comfort.
tonight, i find myself one day closer to a much-needed vacation from my current reality.
and tomorrow? tomorrow i will find myself at aveda enjoying a hair treatment and a facial.

we get to choose our attitude. every moment of every day. and tomorrow i will choose more wisely.
 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

when i think of united methodist women...

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i’ve worshiped with a lot of different faith communities over my lifetime, starting here at grace church. i’ve experienced everything from very high church settings in orthodox traditions to powerful music-driven rock band services to extremely laid back emergent church in the round atmospheres. i’ve been a part of churches with less than 15 regular attendees to experiencing worship with 13,000. i’m certain i haven’t seen it all, but i sure have seen a lot of different kinds of churches.

that happens when you move around a lot. you find yourself searching for a church in your new community. you find yourself searching for a new place to call home.

i know people who have this church search business down to a science. they want a church in a convenient location with a talented praise band and a powerful preacher. oh, and we can’t forget an active children’s ministry where they can drop off the kids at least twice a week and know that they’ll make friends and have a good time.

these are good things to pay attention to when looking for a church community, important things, …but i would say that they are missing the point if that’s all they’re looking for.

because church isn’t about a convenient location or the quality or genre of music.

it’s about what we believe in. about who we believe in. about why we celebrate Christmas and easter. it’s about a God who breathed a son into being who changed the world through three short years of ministry, calling us to love one another then died so that as a forgiven people we just might get it right one day.

the church is about the greatest commandment – to love God with our whole beings and to love our neighbors as ourselves. the church is about community – with our Creator and with creation.  the church is about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and freeing the oppressed. it’s about speaking up for the marginalized in our society and peacefully, yet boldly fighting for justice.

our scripture today may come from the minor prophets, but i believe it articulates very simply what Jesus spent his life trying to teach us.

what does the Lord require of you? does God care about the genre of music or the amount of fancy technology used in a service? does God care about how we’re dressed for worship or what banners we have hanging in the halls of our churches?

i don’t think so.

and i believe that’s what God was getting at when speaking through the prophet micah. the rituals, the pomp and circumstance, the sacrifices and the grand gestures meant nothing to God unless the people really felt it in their hearts, and based on the story that precedes the verses of our scripture lesson, well, it sounds like israel wasn’t quite keeping up with that part of the covenant.

what does the Lord require of you? God doesn’t want empty gifts. God wants our hearts. and God wants action.

what does the Lord require of you? to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

one of the strongest role models we have in this endeavor is the united methodist women.

now, i have attended mother’s day banquets and hymn sings hosted by united methodist women. i’ve donated to rummage sales and even spent three hours straight making vats of tea for a southern umw high tea party, and i spent a lot of years not truly understanding what it meant to be a united methodist woman.  i didn’t realize where the money was going.

for example, did you know that in the past year the united methodist women here at grace have raised around $16,000 and given that money to organizations like habitat for humanity, africa university, side by side family mentoring, frances meredith homeless shelter, the camping and outreach funds and so much more listed in your bulletin.

when i think of united methodist women, i think of women’s societies in the church traditions long ago who would eventually merge together to form the united methodist church. i think of the women in north carolina who started children’s missionary societies in the 1870s. i think of the women who began fighting for racial justice in the 1880s. 

i think of the women’s missionary council who were extremely vocal about all kinds of national legislation in the 1940s like fighting for a repeal of the chinese exclusion act or supporting the extension of social security coverage to domestic and agricultural workers.

i think of 1954, when the woman’s division was the first agency of the methodist church to issue a statement in support of the supreme court’s decision that segregation in public education anywhere in this nation is an infringement of the constitution and a violation of the fourteenth amendment.

i think of 1960, when, out of support for the declaration of human rights, the women’s division led the way in purchasing property of what would become the church center for the united nations, directly across the street from the united nations complex so the methodist church could take part in affecting decisions for similar important causes. the church center continues to be the closest faith-based property to the united nations. 

i remember visiting that building while i was in college, but more vividly remembered are the days i spent there just a few years ago as part of a summit on global health. i was working for pfeiffer university at the time, and as a school founded by a predecessor of the united methodist women and included in the umw higher education initiative, we were invited to new york to participate in a summit on world health issues.

nine schools were represented at the summit. there were maybe a couple dozen of us in attendance and we spent several days sitting around a conference table learning about things like the need for proper midwifery training in africa and the need for clean water wells in uganda.

we dove into studies linking poverty and poor health in our own communities here in america and about what our government was discussing at the time to solve those issues. then we spent as many days discussing how we might leverage our influence with college students to spread the word and make change happen. who hosted that summit? the women’s division of the general board of global missions. the united methodist women.

not only does the united methodist church own the closest faith-based property to the united nations in new york city, we also own the closest faith-based property to this nation’s capitol in washington dc. visiting this building was my first real experience with the global church. i was nineteen. i was young. i grew up in a small town, then went to college in an even smaller town in rural west virginia.

sure, i knew something about rural poverty issues but i knew next to nothing about social justice issues effecting the rest of the world. heck, i quickly learned that i knew next to nothing about the social justice issues within my own community.

those few days during that seminar in dc changed the way i saw the world. before that, i had never heard of a carbon footprint and had no idea that human trafficking even existed. woven throughout learning about all of these issues, we also learned about systemic injustice and the legislation that either works to eradicate or sadly to prolong these community issues.

the most uncomfortable and equally incredible part of the seminar program, though, was when susan, the seminar program director, handed out paper and pens and led us in writing to our state representatives to demand justice.

i had spent many years going on mission trips, collecting canned goods, donating clothing and all kinds of other charitable acts. never before had i thought about the idea that there may be laws out there that are keeping people in poverty. never before had i thought about writing to congress or signing petitions or marching to the capitol – all things that the united methodist women are involved with on a regular basis.

when i took college students from pfeiffer to experience the same seminar program just a few years ago, susan took that activity a step further and showcased the very reason the united methodist church thought it was important to own land on capitol hill when they picked it out in 1917.

we walked across the street and met with our congresswoman. students shared about what they were passionate about. they respectfully asked her to keep their stories and opinions in mind when it came time for her to vote and represent them as citizens of her state. that remains one of my favorite moments as a Christian educator.

when i think of united methodist women, i think of that seminar program and that united methodist building on capitol hill. i think of mrs. wilson, who drew the original plans for the building whose lobby walls are engraved with the scripture “what does the Lord require of you but to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

when i think of united methodist women i think of these life-changing experiences throughout my journey. from global initiatives like seminars at the church center or the united methodist building to conference-wide initiatives like camping ministry and the summers i spent at camps wanake, asbury and aldersgate, to incredibly personal connections with united methodist women here at grace who taught me to play piano, taught me sign language, led sunday school and youth group and taught me what it meant to be a Christian. these moments, and so many more, have influenced me in magnificent ways.

as i’ve moved around throughout my life, finding new churches to call home in each new city i’ve seen a lot of different types of communities but one thing has been consistent. in every church community i find the united methodist women humbly serving their church and actively seeking justice in their community.

i am proud to be a woman of the united methodist church, and every day i strive to live up to the legacy the umw continues to leave in our churches and in the world. what does the Lord require of you? ask a united methodist woman. i bet she’ll be able to show you.

Friday, April 6, 2012

i failed.

here we are, 12:14am on good friday.
and i can't even tell you what the last two weeks' challenges were for my lent project.
i failed.

and i could tell you that i'm frustrated that i didn't stay committed to it. because i am.
and i could tell you that i feel guilty for not finishing the project. because i do.

i tell you because you are the people who hold me accountable. the people who love me in spite of myself. who challenge me to be more than i am. who laugh with me at life's most perfect moments. who cry with me when i break down over the phone because i'm just so overwhelmed.

and i am overwhelmed.

i have three huge, very public projects going on at work right now and although i'm confident that i can do them well i am terrified that i won't meet my deadlines.

on top of that, i'm preaching next sunday. i still have no sermon.

and that may not sound like a lot to you. maybe because it's not. but for me....for this week....for who i am right now and where my heart is, well it is. it is a lot. nearly too much.

i am overwhelmed.

so instead of taking time out of my days to focus on my lent project....i attempted to make some headway on the pile of life choking every last breath out of me.

and i failed.

i should have taken the time for the relentless acts of sacrifice.
i should have made time for intentional acts of service.
i should have spent quality time with my Maker.

i failed.

forgive me, please...

my body can't decide if it wants to weep for hours or pass out for days.
my mind won't stop long enough for either to occur.

so tonight, as i lie down for yet another night of staring at the ceiling, i set gungor's 'please be my strength' on repeat and let the song be my prayer.

"please be my strength, because i don't have any more..."