each year as i celebrate the day i was brought into this world i like to reflect on the lifetime i've journeyed to get to where i am. at 26, it was
memories. at 27, most treasured
gifts. this year, at 28, i'd like to share with you (in no particular order) some of the greatest mentors of my life thus far.
1. george stalter - lovingly referred to as "missionary george", he was a true saint with a heart for missions and spirit for people. he gave heather and i the title "missionary" after our first mission trip to henderson settlement in kentucky. i was eleven and he made me a missionary. every time i saw him at church he would give me a big hug and kiss and offer me encouragement in my ministry. he was a great man who was behind so much good in our community. he gave so much of his time and his money to help the people of the world, sometimes splitting his time between repairing missionary airplanes in ohio and building churches in mexico. even years after his death, george's memory inspires me to continue to do good in this world.
2. heather baker - when does a best friend become a mentor? when she shows you unconditional love in such a way that you see Jesus Christ himself through her. i was going through a lot and didn't feel like anyone was really there for me. my parents and my youth pastor had all tried to talk with me, but i didn't need them. i needed a friend. i was in middle school and we were in kentucky for a church mission trip. during devotions one evening the weight of everything i thought i had so neatly packed away came crashing down. i ran back to the cabin to be alone with my thoughts when heather came in to be with me. knowing the situation, she asked me how i was handling everything. i don't remember what i said. i don't remember anything she said. what i remember is the way she sat with me without judgment. i saw Jesus through her in those moments and ever since she has been such a strong spiritual support.
3. kathy bartunek - our high school wrestling stat mom, bible study teacher, mentor and friend, kathy was typically the first my friends and i would go to for advice about our latest dilemmas. in bible study, she invited me to think critically and amazed me by bringing stacks a books (various interpretations/translations, maps, concordances, etc.) to encourage us to continually look at the bigger picture of the stories we were reading. she taught us what it meant to be classy young women. plus, she introduced me to the world of coffee, sparking my dream of opening the "hava java" coffee shop that continues to be a hope for my future.
4. ruth roth - for the longest time i planned on going to art school and becoming an architect. i loved math and art and i suffered from ocd - it was the perfect plan. well, until my youth pastor threw a wrench in the plan. "have you ever thought about professional ministry?" she asked. "absoutely not" was my response. i thought that meant being a pastor and i wanted nothing to do with it, but ruth opened my eyes to the world of christian education and professional lay ministry. all of a sudden, i was searching for colleges that offered youth ministry and christian education as concentrated studies. it's amazing how one simple, thoughtful question can change your life.
5. kate mattison - kate would probably be extremely confused if she knew that i considered her a mentor, but she played a big role in molding my identity in high school. kate was the first the person i remember (other than my parents, of course) to tell me i was beautiful. i was in high school and out of the blue one day she asked me if i realized how beautiful i was. i was astounded. i have been overweight my entire life and have had immense self-esteem issues because of it for as long as i can remember. at a time when i felt truly ugly, when i felt like i would never be skinny enough, never be stylish enough, never be pretty enough, simply never be good enough, she told me so sincerely almost every day that i was beautiful. i needed that more than she will ever know. through the most simplest of acts, she profoundly changed the way i viewed myself.
6. myrtle beall - i think mrs. beall was the first teacher to take notice of me as an individual. i never felt like i was being watched or that everything i said or did would be reported back to my parents in the teachers' lounge at lunchtime. she encouraged us all to be authentically ourselves, regardless of the influence of anyone else. maybe it was the nature of the classes, but i vividly remember thinking how cool it was that she would come to our tables and sit with us as we worked, as if she respected us as equals. she wasn't afraid to joke and laugh with us, but she also wasn't afraid to call us out if we were being stupid. art classes were a place where people came together, partly because of the intrinsic connectivity art brings to diversity but mostly because mrs. beall treated everyone the same - with extraordinary expectations and consistency.
7. chandra hinkle - when we were little girls, she was the girl with all five american girl dolls. (remember when there were only five?) she was the envy of all. as we grew up, she was the picture of beauty - tall, thin, blonde. today, she is married to an incredible man and is raising two truly beautiful children. she continues to be the envy of all. all my life i have secretly wanted to be like my best friend. even more than the perfect hair and the picturesque family, i have envied her positivity and resilience. chandra has always had a "pick up and move on" kind of attitude. nothing gets her down for very long. she encounters a problem, works to find a solution and moves forward. if only i could be that brave.
8. fred johnston - there are some people who are meant to be part of your life forever. there are others who come and go in a blink of an eye, but change your life regardless. fred was one of those season people. we met in our college freshman seminar course and became friends almost accidentally. i haven't seen him in nearly ten years, but he challenged me to define what i believe in ways no one had ever asked before. the hours-long conversations we shared almost always centered around religion and politics, the two topics everyone says you should stay away from. we didn't always agree, but i think that's what made our conversation so rich.
9. john saunders - freshman year of college was a scary time for me. i had grown up in a town where everyone knew my name. in certain circles, i was a big fish in a little pond. college was a tough transition because all of a sudden i was lost in a big world. teachers didn't praise my work. i wasn't even good enough to audition for solos, let alone get any. i had to study for the first time in my life. dr. saunders challenged me to find my unique voice. he didn't settle for "good" because he believed i could be better than that. he is probably the most sarcastic and dry witted professor i have ever encountered, but don't let that fool you. his dedication to his students and belief in our potential is unmatched.
10. kelly engleka - kelly was the best college roommate i could have ever hoped for. she allowed me the freedom to experiment with my identity. i wasn't sure who i wanted to be and i tried on a lot of different hats during those four years in west virginia. kelly was with me every step of the way, supporting me with encouragement and supporting me with accountability too. kelly was the first external processor i had ever really known. i came from a community of internalizers, so her methods were quite shocking for me at first. through that though, i learned to give voice to my feelings in ways that i had never before said aloud. over our many years of friendship, kelly has taught me what it means to be a strong confident woman and for that i am eternally grateful.
11. larry parsons - i grew up with my father as a choir director, so going to college and joining a choir where i was at the bottom of the talent pool was really tough for me. i will never forget my first voice lesson with dr. p. i was supposed to bring a prepared piece that i was comfortable with, so i began singing a solo from my high school days. before i could get through the first verse, he stopped me and said, "you're not an alto, havaleh. i know that your dad was your choir director and he probably let you sing alto because you could sight read and because you begged him for the more interesting harmonies...but you are not an alto and you will not sing alto in this choir." ...ouch. dr. p stretched me, not only in my vocal range but in my mind and in my soul. he took time out of rehearsals to read poetry and sometimes my private voice lessons turned into sermons and i would not have had it any other way. he recognized that all of his students were more than voices in a choir and that only when we developed our whole selves could we sing to the best of our abilities. his style of teaching has stuck with me and i have always tried to remember that the students i work with are more than the offices they hold or the events they plan - they are whole complex persons who can only perform well when they acknowledge and even celebrate those complexities.
12. susan burton - friends in grad school called me the social justice queen and susan is to blame. susan works for the united methodist church general board of church and society and led a seminar i attended in college. she introduced ideas about our world that i had never imagined. she asked us to think about the privilege we experience and invited us to list the many things we take for granted every day. she opened my eyes to things that i can never ignore again. for the first time in my life, i thought about mission work in terms of societal change and governmental policy instead of donating clothes or building homes. that type of service is absolutely necessary, but she helped me to dream of a world where it was no longer needed and gave me tangible tools to make that change a reality. i've never looked at poverty or hunger or trafficking or hate or discrimination or world health the same.
13. lara edwards - i applied to the west virginia conference of the umc summer internship program because i thought i would get placed at my good friend brooke's church. it was the perfect location - halfway between wvwc and my hometown in ohio. and it was going to be so fun to work for someone i got along with so well. then i got the call. they offered me an internship in some town called lewisburg with some woman named lara. dreams were crushed, yes, but new dreams were realized. lara was the absolute perfect person to spend my summer shadowing. she taught me so much about ministry and about life. that summer was life-changing for me.
14. phylis coston - with a passion for life that supersedes her age, dr. coston continues to teach me the true meaning of being a lifelong learner. lifelong learning isn't just a higher education buzz word for her. she lives it. she has contributed so much to the world of christian education and continues to learn as much about her field and other interests as she can. serious about intellectual research and serious about caring for others, she is the picture of what a christian educator ought to be.
15-19. parrish horton, abbey niland, katie moses, katie perperas and julie renner - these were sisters i looked up to. they are beautiful, strong, confident, sweet and smart. even in their craziest moments (and let's face, there were quite a few of those!), it was women like these that made me proud to wear my letters. beyond who they are, they me feel special. they made me feel like i was somebody important. that meant more to me in those formative years than they probably know. they treated me as an equal, not as the little pledge who didn't know anything. i was their sister. i am their sister. when i say "friend", i will always think of these wonderful women.
20. jenny parlier - never in my life have i ever met someone as generous as jenny. she is constantly giving of herself to her friends, her family, her work... she told me just this week that her boss had to force her to take vacation because she has been working so much. she gives so much and asks nothing in return. she helped me move across the country and nearly single-handedly unloaded the moving truck while i was a my first day of work. friends like jenny come but once in a lifetime. i am a better person for knowing her.
21. haley hartzoge - with her love for broadway and participation in church activities, i used to call haley a younger version of me but the truth is that she is so much better than i ever was. she continues to stun me with her incredibly sensitive soul and generous heart. wise beyond her years and far more talented than she has yet realized, haley is the type of daughter every parent prays for. i truly believe that haley will change the world one day and i can't wait to see it.
22. tim coley - here i am in the world of higher education and no longer apologizing for it. tim was the first dean of students i worked for at pfeiffer and i will never forget him saying to me, "stop acting like you're here accidentally." one of his pet peeves was student development professionals who, when asked how they chose higher ed, shared stories about how they just "ended up here". i didn't just "end up" at pfeiffer. i chose pfeiffer and i chose higher education. at the time, it wasn't a conscious career changing choice. i thought it was only temporary, so maybe the longevity of the decision was happenstance, but the decision to work with college students was no accident. he taught me that. he also challenged me to think about a future in the field, which eventually created my current career aspirations.
23-24. chris and gloria hughes - i learned more about what it means to be "the church" from these two than i ever learned in any class or sermon. the love they have for the Creator and for one another is unmistakable with even just a single glance. they treat their relationship with God as a cherished gift and they treat their relationships with creation just the same.
25. my parents - i would be remiss if i didn't include my parents on this list. they surely don't get the thanks they deserve for raising crazy children like my brother and i. i'm sure it wasn't always easy. heck, it probably never was easy. they didn't neglect me, but they never tried to be my best friend either. they were what parents ought to be. we definitely had some bumps in the road over the years, but looking at how trevor and i have turned out i would have to say that they did a pretty great job. that's not meant to be self-righteous, just stating fact. i still call my parents several times a week. some of you may think that's weird, but i think that's a testimony to the healthy relationship they have spent a lifetime building with me.
26-27. carl and cindy roeger - i don't know that i've ever told them just how much they have meant to me over the years, but they have played such a huge part in my life since i was a little girl playing crossfire with my friends in their son's bedroom. over the years they were so much more than just my friend's parents. they were OM coaches, sunday school teachers, VBS leaders, youth group volunteers, mission trip mentors and since i was a little girl carl and cindy were the perfect personification of what love can be. through the many years i've known them, they have taught me what it is to truly love someone else and to glorify God through such a relationship. as if all of that wasn't enough, they were among the first adults to truly treat me like a person, not just a kid. they always valued my opinions and my ideas and continually challenged me to chase my dreams. my favorite memory with them is from a mission trip in southern ohio when I was in high school. cindy showed such courage and grace in her leadership amidst unimaginable pain. i still have some of the rocks she painted during that trip when her pain prevented her from working on site with us. our project that week was roofing a house. if you know me at all, then you know that i'm terrified of heights. carl knew this about me and never made me felt inferior because of it. on day one he gave me jobs that kept me on the ground, then each day somehow brought me higher and higher until i was at the peak of the two-story house by the end of the trip. without his encouragement, i would have never conquered that fear. his work with me that week is the framework for how i have mentored every student i have ever worked with: slow and steady incremental change with consistent encouragement every step of the way.
28. tater havelka - it's no secret to those who know me that my grandpa was always my favorite person on the planet. i miss him more than words could ever express. he taught me to draw, taught me to paint, taught me to fish, taught me to use a saw, taught me artistry, woodworking and how to perfectly frost mom's christmas cut-out cookies. most of all, grandpa taught me modesty and dignity. grandpa was a quiet man, or at least he was in his older years. he didn't say a whole lot, but when he did you listened because his stories were priceless and besides, he could throw out some incredibly funny one-liners. grandpa left work as a coal miner to serve as a staff sergeant with the marines during ww2, serving in bougainville, guam, and iwo jima, then served in dc as an honor guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier before settling down in ohio and starting a family with my lovely grandma. with that kind of a life, he had many reasons to be a proud man, but he wasn't. he was humble and kind and gentle, a man of many talents.
these are but a few of the people who have changed my life in big and small ways throughout my 28 years on this planet and i thank God upon every remembrance of each and every one of them. may i live a life worthy of the legacies they have left in me.
