day twenty-three

"yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

~ psalm 23.4, king james version


abused.
broken.
compromised.
depressed.
exhausted.
forsaken.
grief-stricken.
humiliated.
ignored.
joyless.
knocked-out.
lonely.
mistreated.
neglected.
outcast.
purged.
quieted.
rugged.
shameful.
tormented.
unappreciated.
valley of the shadow of death.



absolute.
blessed.
compassionate.
deliberate.
ever-present.
faithful.
gracious.
home.
intimate.
joyful.
kairos.
listening.
magnificent.
native.
omnipotent.
parenting.
quiet.
real.
sheltering.
thou art with me.

day twenty-two

"behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a Son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel--which, when translated, means God with us."

~ matthew 1.23, amplified bible


God is with me
at the rising of the sun
as i lie in my bed
warmed by a puppy curled up at my side
warmed by blankets layered with precision
warmed by a faith in Emmanuel

God is with me
as the working day begins
and i race to keep up
hurried by the stacks of papers on my desk
hurried by the length of my to-do list
hurried by the meetings that never end

God is with me
as i spend time with friends
and i laugh with abundance
encouraged by the humor of our lives
encouraged by struggles similar to my own
encouraged by the unconditional love we share

God is with me
at the setting of the sun
as i reflect on the day
worried by confusion and insecurity
worried by current events that plague the world
worried by the amount of work still left to do

God is with me
at the rising of the moon
as i lie in my bed
warmed by a puppy curled up at my side
warmed by blankets layered with precision
warmed by a faith in Emmanuel, God with us.

day twenty-one

"it was by faith that abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. he went without knowing where he was going. and even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. and so did isaac and jacob, who inherited the same promise. abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God."

~ hebrews 11.8-10, new living translation



sometimes you just have to let go.

sometimes you just have to breathe.

sometimes you just have to have faith that God is there in the mystery,
that God will deliver you through the muck and mire,
that though you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's there.

it's there.

day twenty

"moreover, I have heard the groaning of the israelites, whom the egyptians are enslaving, and I have remembered my covenant...I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. then you will know that I am the Lord your God."

~ exodus 6.5 & 7, new international version



"things will be fine.  we are going to move on and stay focused on our purpose here, which is bigger than some funding issue." was the text i received today from one of my students.

in the exact moment that many would choose to be hurt and frustrated and even angry, she chose to stay focused on a God who moves us forward.  does this mean that she's not hurt or frustrated or angry?  i can't speak for her feelings, only she knows those truths, but i can speak from my own experience that sometimes disappointment and deliverance come hand in hand.  sometimes in the pain and suffering God reaches to us and shows us a hope beyond our wildest dreams.

and so, tonight i pray for the healing of these two organizations, for the healing of altered personal relationships, for the healing of these hearts.  i pray that although some feel discouraged, that they might also find hope for reassurance.  i pray that although some feel separated, that they might also find hope for unity.  i pray that although some feel neglected, that they might also find hope in a God whose purpose is much bigger than any of us could imagine.

day nineteen

"my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
   why are you so far from saving me,
   so far from my cries of anguish?
my God, i cry out by day, but you do not answer,
   by night, but i find no rest."
  
~ psalm 22.1-2, new international version

 
"well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out My Name
while all the while I’m trying to open up your heart.
I see you when you cry yourself to sleep
and it’s tearing me apart...

I cannot count on all the signs
you’ve passed away as mere coincidence,
and i'm running out of ways to break through.
like a lonely lover waiting by the ocean,
I'll never give up on you.

I know you wish you could see me.
that’s the way it has to be.
someday you’ll understand.
don’t lose your faith in Me.

I know you wish you could hear me.
sometimes it’s so hard to do,
but every morning's sunrise says,
'I’m madly in love with you"

sean mcconnell, 'madly in love with you'

day eighteen

"holy, holy, holy
   is the Lord God Almighty,
   who was, and is, and is to come."


"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
   to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
   and by your will they were created
   and have their being.” 


~ revelation 4.8b & 11, new international version

holy, holy, holy

are You who made the universe

and called it 'good'

holy, holy, holy

are You who created me

and called me 'good'

holy, holy, holy

are You who has listened to my cries 

and leavened my pain,

loved me unconditionally

and led me unwaveringly.

holy, holy, holy, 

are You

who was,

who is,

who always will be.

amen.

day seventeen

today i share with you the entire scripture selection for the day.  (little did you know that i was only giving you bits and pieces so far...)


"and now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. overwhelm them with appreciation and love! 

get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. and be careful that when you get on each other's nerves you don't snap at each other. look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out. 

be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. this is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. 

don't suppress the Spirit, and don't stifle those who have a word from the Master. on the other hand, don't be gullible. check out everything, and keep only what's good. throw out anything tainted with evil.
may God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. the One who called you is completely dependable. if he said it, he'll do it!"

~ 1 thessalonians 5.12-24, the message

Breath of Life,

let my serving be my loving,

let my questioning be my believing,

let my breathing be my praying.

let me not stifle the Spirit,

but accept your continued creativity

in this, my life,

in this, Your world.

amen.

day sixteen

"come, let us return to the Lord.
   he has torn us to pieces;
      now he will heal us.
   he has injured us;
      now he will bandage our wounds.
in just a short time he will restore us,
      so that we may live in his presence.
oh, that we might know the Lord!
      let us press on to know him.
   he will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn
      or the coming of rains in early spring.”

~ hosea 6.1-3, new living translation


i donated blood today.  i hate needles, so i always found excuses for not giving before.  when i had surgery a couple years ago i was fine until they stuck me with the IV.  the tears were uncontrollable.  it didn't hurt.  it didn't necessarily scare me.  i wasn't even scared about the fact they were going to cut me open and take out one of my organs.  i just looked down and saw a needle in my arm and i lost it.  i could talk normally, but i just couldn't stop crying.  they ended up giving me some happy meds to calm me down.  i passed out so quickly that i don't even remember them rolling me out of the room and into surgery.  i have this vague memory of coming out of it just in time to see my surgeon asking me to count backwards from ten then going back under before i even began.

all that to say...it's a big deal that i gave blood today.  it was only my second time, so it's still pretty scary.  but i know that giving blood saves lives and i just don't see any excuse for any hospital to be without the blood they need to care for their patients.  this is a renewable resource that is simply too easy to fill.  i can't not give blood just because i'm afraid.  that would be like telling a child with leukemia that it's okay for them to die because i'm too scared of needles.  i'm not okay with that.

the pain of the finger prick and the discomfort of the needle is merely temporary.  surviving an illness, well, that's a lifetime. 

life's pains are temporary.  God's healing grace, well, that's everlasting.

day fifteen

"don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
      don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
      I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."


~ isaiah 41:10, new living translation


i'm scared of what the next few months will bring.  i'm scared that things won't work out and i'll disappoint not only myself, but others who are counting on me.  i'm scared that things will work out and i'll have a lot of major life decisions to make.  i'm scared that i'm going to be stuck exactly where i am (physically, emotionally, spiritually) forever.

i have a lot of conflicting fears right now and the only comfort is knowing that God will be with me no matter where i land.

day fourteen

"o my people, listen to my instructions.
      open your ears to what I am saying,
for I will speak to you in a parable.
      I will teach you hidden lessons from our past—
      stories we have heard and known,
      stories our ancestors handed down to us.
we will not hide these truths from our children;
      we will tell the next generation
      about the glorious deeds of the Lord,
      about his power and his mighty wonders."

~ psalm 78:1-4, new living translation


i don't know the faith stories of my ancestors.  i don't know how my parents or their parents or their parents' parents came to a belief in God and i've never shared my story with them either.  we're just not a family who talks about that kind of stuff. 

well, here's my story...

i grew up in the church.  i loved church.  i loved sunday school.  i loved vacation bible school.  i loved youth group.  i loved mission trips.  i loved the activities.  i loved the people.  i loved ministry.

i studied christian education and religion in undergrad and grad school.  i loved my classes.  i loved my internships.  i loved the reading.  i loved the dialogue.  i loved the challenge.

i worked in ministry.  i loved the job.  i loved the youth.  i loved my coworkers.  i loved the people.  i loved the activities.  i loved the mission trips.  i loved the ministry.

as i've grown up from that little girl in wednesday night kids club, i learned that faith is more than loving all those things.  faith is loving God, and that is a lesson i'm taking a lifetime to truly learn.