day thirty-two

"then jacob prayed, "oh God of my father abraham, God of my father isaac, Lord, you who said to me, ‘go back to your country and your relatives, and i will make you prosper,’  i am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. i had only my staff when i crossed this jordan, but now i have become two camps" 

~ genesis 32.9-10, new international version


oh God of my father abraham,
who called him out of his native land and into a new world
who kept him from having children for many desperate decades
and, once he finally did have a child, called him to kill the beloved son,
be with me as you were with abraham
when you walked with him step by step and gave him great land
when you heard his plea and the plea of sarai and gave him a son at age 100
when you promised to make him the father of a great nation.

oh God of my father isaac,
who called his life to be sacrificed by his father's hand
who stood by as old age took his sight
and, after that sight was lost, allowed him to be deceived by his own wife and son,
be with me as you were with isaac
when you saved his life on that altar stone
when you forgave him as he made the same mistakes as his father
when you answered his prayer and gave he and rebekkah a son.

oh God, my father,
who watches my life play out like a rollercoaster of emotion
who silently stands by as my questions fill the sky
who seems so far away sometimes,
let me remember the times when you were with me
when you pulled me out of the despair of depression and gave me life again
when you forgave me for making the same mistake for the thousandth time
when you answer my prayers even when the answer is simply "not right now".