puffing

my friend bootsie knows a thing or two about boys. she's raised two of them, so she at least knows more than i do. years ago we were talking about her youngest son, who was in college at the time, and she talked about his "puffing". puffing (or maybe "poofing"? with her accent i could never tell...), she described to me, is when boys notice someone checking them out and they show off. she likened it to peacocks strutting and fanning their feathers to impress a peahen. puffing also occurs when boys notice someone they want to notice them, whether or not that someone is checking them out. they use this tactic to get what they want - attention.

i've seen my share of puffing, but wednesday night at the small town favorite, the sportszone, the puffing was out of control.

local law enforcement (i was there with a police officer so i know these things) says that thanksgiving eve is their worst day of the year. sportszone servers (ours sat and talked with us for a while so i know these things too) confirm the same sentiment for the bar. maybe it's because it's the first time many new college students come home, so it's a time to reconnect with old friends. or maybe it's because it's the first time old high school friends gather together again since turning 21, but the place is PACKED.

i've heard tell of this phenomenon, but have never experienced it until now. i remember friends calling me years ago after pseudo high school reunions at the thanksgiving eve sportszone party extraordinaire, but because i haven't been to ohio for thanksgiving in seven years, this was my first time seeing it first hand.

by now, the people i knew from high school have moved on. i recognized only two people in the entire bar with which i actually attended high school (other than the two friends i met there). the rest of the crowd were probably ten or twelve years old the last time i saw them. let's just say we felt old.

anyway, you can imagine the amount of puffing going on in this place. high school athletes seeing each other for the first time since graduation. girls dressed up in trashy clubbing clothes to see their friends (girls engage in puffing too, you know). everyone showing off how college has supposedly matured them and made them hotter.

i saw it that night, and i saw it all the time when i worked with high school and college students. guys acting completely normal until a pretty girl walks in and their entire posture changes. they stick out their chest a little stronger, let the light in their eyes dance a little brighter, and smile with a smirk that salesmen would kill for.

at times they would even try it on me. like somehow if they schmoozed me enough that it would make me more lenient with them.

one of the boys wednesday night tried it too. maybe it was because i knew his older brother. maybe it was to prove to himself that he could make an older girl interested in him. maybe he's just that ridiculous that it comes so naturally he can't control it.

just like i did when students did it, i couldn't help but laugh a little on the inside. did he really think it was working? i've been working with teenagers and young adults for all of my adult life. i see through it every time.

sometimes i would let them think it was working because putting them in their place seemed like it would crush their confidence. then again, sometimes i would play the part of the confidence crusher with joy. it all depended on the mood i was in.



i'm preparing for a work event this week where i suspect there will be a lot of puffing. i am already planning my outfits and the fact that i'm doing this so early proves that i could succumb to a little bit of puffing myself. i will dress my best, present myself polished, and remain professional at all times. ...i will also be my authentic self at all times.

presenting your best self isn't a bad thing. and fundamentally, that might be what puffing is. but puffing always goes to the next level. it's the difference between my two old friends and i enjoying a conversation at the corner booth, and the two guys who start a fight and are escorted to the door in headlocks. it's the difference between planning my professional dress ahead of time and girls dressed like they're going to a hooker night club standing in the middle of a small town sports bar slash restaurant.

maybe if we stopped puffing we could actually let our authentic selves shine true. maybe if we all quit trying so desperately to impress each other we might actually take the time to get to know each other. maybe if we stopped caring what others thought about us so much we might actually be who we were meant to be and not some cookie cutter version of what society tells us we ought to be.