a letter to you

i write a lot about an elusive "you" in this blog. my father is sure he knows who you are. certain friends are sure you're someone else. the other night, cori asked me just exactly who you are and what you did to me.

apparently inquiring minds want to know who you are.

the truth is, that you change from blog to blog.

sometimes you are the man i dated behind the scenes for years. you messed me up big time, but the memory of you fades as my wounds are healed.

sometimes you are a variety of forgettable men from my past.

sometimes you are the man who has been my friend through it all. one million thank yous could never thank you enough.

tonight, though, i write to someone different. tonight you are the man who will someday choose me, because you matter so much more than the others.

as the civil wars song goes:

"dear whoever you might be",

i'm not perfect.
i haven't always been patient.
i've made a lot of mistakes.

...and i have a few confessions...:

1) in the words of bono, "i still haven't found what i'm looking for". i've looked around, but i just haven't figured out what exactly i'm looking for yet. maybe that's why we haven't been introduced yet - because i've been too blind.

2) i haven't really figured out me yet, either, and it may take me a lifetime to learn who i am.

3) although i love to cook, the kitchen table is always covered in randomness. mail, purse, computer, shopping bags - you name it, it's probably spent some time on there. it just happens to collect everything as i walk in the door. only the lucky items actually make it to their rightful place in a timely manner.

4) left to my own devices, i'd be a hermit. i love to spend time with friends, but i am perfectly happy to come home from work, go for a run with my dog and spend the evening curled up on the couch with my cat. (let me make one thing clear - i am not, in fact, a hermit. i go out with friends all of the time. i'm simply admitting that sometimes i have to force myself to get out there.)

5) yes, the number of pets in my household outnumbers the amount of humans. i have a dog and a cat. this does not make me a weird cat lady. this does, however, mean that we're a packaged deal.

6) i hate to clean the bathroom. i love vacuuming, scrubbing the kitchen, doing the laundry and, yes, i even love to iron clothes. i just hate the bathroom.

7) i've been killing bugs for years now, but i'll be happy to pass that responsibility on to you one day.

8) i am a family girl. i love family. i could never be happy not spending holidays and special events with family (whether it be mine or yours - i'm flexible).

9) i have been known to, on occasion, sleep walk, sleep talk, snore and steal the covers. all at the same time. (no, that's a lie. how could anyone do all of those at the same exact time?)

i'm sure i could write a confessional list to 50, but this is enough for tonight.

so, to whom it may concern, i'm excited to meet you one day, but rest assured that i am not just sitting around waiting. i am living my life to the fullest in preparation for a full life with you.

be prepared, you...
i am anything but simple.
...but i could be simply fantastic.