in a slow motion blur

do you ever feel like you are in the eye of the storm? because that's how i feel these days. like everything is whirling around me at light speed and yet here i am, still chilling on my couch with pete curled up on one side of me and mr. darcy snoring on the other, macbook on my lap as i type away, creating graph after graph, chart after chart, slide after slide.

sometimes it feels like one of those dramatic cinematic moments when the camera zeros in on the main character, standing silently, slow-motion still in the middle of a train station while the crowds around her are moving so quickly they are but a blur.

that's how i feel.

like i'm in slow motion while the world around me is moving so quickly it's but a blur.

but i'd be a fool to believe that i'm not included in the fast-paced life that surrounds me. and although i've tried to ignore it, my body has started to force me to recognize that i, too, need to refocus and find balance. because walking around so distracted and disjointed in slow motion is just as bad as racing through life with blinders on. you miss things.

last night, as i sat in the medcheck waiting room, falling in and out of sleep as i patiently waited to see a doctor about my random ailment, i realized just how fast i'd been going. i had to make my doctor's appointment for 10:15pm because that's the only time that would work for me. and as my mind drifted in and out of consciousness, i couldn't help but laugh at myself (only in my head. don't worry - i didn't scare the strangers by being the girl in the corner laughing at her imaginary friends) and the fact that this moment - sitting in a waiting room at 11pm at night - was the first time in weeks that i could just sit and BE.

work is wonderful. volunteering is awesome. and i'm finally building a community here in indy. all of these things are important and healthy components of a balanced life. but i can't forget to make time for me. just me. me and my Maker.

time to soak in the mighty Silence.
time to breathe.
time to just be.

because i am, in fact, an introvert. and while so much of my life forces me to live out my extroverted alter-ego, at the core i still gain my energy from being alone and able to clear my head.

so tonight, i clear my head.
tonight, i listen to explosion in the sky's 'your hand in mine' and feel Comfort.
tonight, i find myself one day closer to a much-needed vacation from my current reality.
and tomorrow? tomorrow i will find myself at aveda enjoying a hair treatment and a facial.

we get to choose our attitude. every moment of every day. and tomorrow i will choose more wisely.