i failed.

here we are, 12:14am on good friday.
and i can't even tell you what the last two weeks' challenges were for my lent project.
i failed.

and i could tell you that i'm frustrated that i didn't stay committed to it. because i am.
and i could tell you that i feel guilty for not finishing the project. because i do.

i tell you because you are the people who hold me accountable. the people who love me in spite of myself. who challenge me to be more than i am. who laugh with me at life's most perfect moments. who cry with me when i break down over the phone because i'm just so overwhelmed.

and i am overwhelmed.

i have three huge, very public projects going on at work right now and although i'm confident that i can do them well i am terrified that i won't meet my deadlines.

on top of that, i'm preaching next sunday. i still have no sermon.

and that may not sound like a lot to you. maybe because it's not. but for me....for this week....for who i am right now and where my heart is, well it is. it is a lot. nearly too much.

i am overwhelmed.

so instead of taking time out of my days to focus on my lent project....i attempted to make some headway on the pile of life choking every last breath out of me.

and i failed.

i should have taken the time for the relentless acts of sacrifice.
i should have made time for intentional acts of service.
i should have spent quality time with my Maker.

i failed.

forgive me, please...

my body can't decide if it wants to weep for hours or pass out for days.
my mind won't stop long enough for either to occur.

so tonight, as i lie down for yet another night of staring at the ceiling, i set gungor's 'please be my strength' on repeat and let the song be my prayer.

"please be my strength, because i don't have any more..."