in a slow motion blur

do you ever feel like you are in the eye of the storm? because that's how i feel these days. like everything is whirling around me at light speed and yet here i am, still chilling on my couch with pete curled up on one side of me and mr. darcy snoring on the other, macbook on my lap as i type away, creating graph after graph, chart after chart, slide after slide.

sometimes it feels like one of those dramatic cinematic moments when the camera zeros in on the main character, standing silently, slow-motion still in the middle of a train station while the crowds around her are moving so quickly they are but a blur.

that's how i feel.

like i'm in slow motion while the world around me is moving so quickly it's but a blur.

but i'd be a fool to believe that i'm not included in the fast-paced life that surrounds me. and although i've tried to ignore it, my body has started to force me to recognize that i, too, need to refocus and find balance. because walking around so distracted and disjointed in slow motion is just as bad as racing through life with blinders on. you miss things.

last night, as i sat in the medcheck waiting room, falling in and out of sleep as i patiently waited to see a doctor about my random ailment, i realized just how fast i'd been going. i had to make my doctor's appointment for 10:15pm because that's the only time that would work for me. and as my mind drifted in and out of consciousness, i couldn't help but laugh at myself (only in my head. don't worry - i didn't scare the strangers by being the girl in the corner laughing at her imaginary friends) and the fact that this moment - sitting in a waiting room at 11pm at night - was the first time in weeks that i could just sit and BE.

work is wonderful. volunteering is awesome. and i'm finally building a community here in indy. all of these things are important and healthy components of a balanced life. but i can't forget to make time for me. just me. me and my Maker.

time to soak in the mighty Silence.
time to breathe.
time to just be.

because i am, in fact, an introvert. and while so much of my life forces me to live out my extroverted alter-ego, at the core i still gain my energy from being alone and able to clear my head.

so tonight, i clear my head.
tonight, i listen to explosion in the sky's 'your hand in mine' and feel Comfort.
tonight, i find myself one day closer to a much-needed vacation from my current reality.
and tomorrow? tomorrow i will find myself at aveda enjoying a hair treatment and a facial.

we get to choose our attitude. every moment of every day. and tomorrow i will choose more wisely.
 

when i think of united methodist women...

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i’ve worshiped with a lot of different faith communities over my lifetime, starting here at grace church. i’ve experienced everything from very high church settings in orthodox traditions to powerful music-driven rock band services to extremely laid back emergent church in the round atmospheres. i’ve been a part of churches with less than 15 regular attendees to experiencing worship with 13,000. i’m certain i haven’t seen it all, but i sure have seen a lot of different kinds of churches.

that happens when you move around a lot. you find yourself searching for a church in your new community. you find yourself searching for a new place to call home.

i know people who have this church search business down to a science. they want a church in a convenient location with a talented praise band and a powerful preacher. oh, and we can’t forget an active children’s ministry where they can drop off the kids at least twice a week and know that they’ll make friends and have a good time.

these are good things to pay attention to when looking for a church community, important things, …but i would say that they are missing the point if that’s all they’re looking for.

because church isn’t about a convenient location or the quality or genre of music.

it’s about what we believe in. about who we believe in. about why we celebrate Christmas and easter. it’s about a God who breathed a son into being who changed the world through three short years of ministry, calling us to love one another then died so that as a forgiven people we just might get it right one day.

the church is about the greatest commandment – to love God with our whole beings and to love our neighbors as ourselves. the church is about community – with our Creator and with creation.  the church is about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and freeing the oppressed. it’s about speaking up for the marginalized in our society and peacefully, yet boldly fighting for justice.

our scripture today may come from the minor prophets, but i believe it articulates very simply what Jesus spent his life trying to teach us.

what does the Lord require of you? does God care about the genre of music or the amount of fancy technology used in a service? does God care about how we’re dressed for worship or what banners we have hanging in the halls of our churches?

i don’t think so.

and i believe that’s what God was getting at when speaking through the prophet micah. the rituals, the pomp and circumstance, the sacrifices and the grand gestures meant nothing to God unless the people really felt it in their hearts, and based on the story that precedes the verses of our scripture lesson, well, it sounds like israel wasn’t quite keeping up with that part of the covenant.

what does the Lord require of you? God doesn’t want empty gifts. God wants our hearts. and God wants action.

what does the Lord require of you? to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

one of the strongest role models we have in this endeavor is the united methodist women.

now, i have attended mother’s day banquets and hymn sings hosted by united methodist women. i’ve donated to rummage sales and even spent three hours straight making vats of tea for a southern umw high tea party, and i spent a lot of years not truly understanding what it meant to be a united methodist woman.  i didn’t realize where the money was going.

for example, did you know that in the past year the united methodist women here at grace have raised around $16,000 and given that money to organizations like habitat for humanity, africa university, side by side family mentoring, frances meredith homeless shelter, the camping and outreach funds and so much more listed in your bulletin.

when i think of united methodist women, i think of women’s societies in the church traditions long ago who would eventually merge together to form the united methodist church. i think of the women in north carolina who started children’s missionary societies in the 1870s. i think of the women who began fighting for racial justice in the 1880s. 

i think of the women’s missionary council who were extremely vocal about all kinds of national legislation in the 1940s like fighting for a repeal of the chinese exclusion act or supporting the extension of social security coverage to domestic and agricultural workers.

i think of 1954, when the woman’s division was the first agency of the methodist church to issue a statement in support of the supreme court’s decision that segregation in public education anywhere in this nation is an infringement of the constitution and a violation of the fourteenth amendment.

i think of 1960, when, out of support for the declaration of human rights, the women’s division led the way in purchasing property of what would become the church center for the united nations, directly across the street from the united nations complex so the methodist church could take part in affecting decisions for similar important causes. the church center continues to be the closest faith-based property to the united nations. 

i remember visiting that building while i was in college, but more vividly remembered are the days i spent there just a few years ago as part of a summit on global health. i was working for pfeiffer university at the time, and as a school founded by a predecessor of the united methodist women and included in the umw higher education initiative, we were invited to new york to participate in a summit on world health issues.

nine schools were represented at the summit. there were maybe a couple dozen of us in attendance and we spent several days sitting around a conference table learning about things like the need for proper midwifery training in africa and the need for clean water wells in uganda.

we dove into studies linking poverty and poor health in our own communities here in america and about what our government was discussing at the time to solve those issues. then we spent as many days discussing how we might leverage our influence with college students to spread the word and make change happen. who hosted that summit? the women’s division of the general board of global missions. the united methodist women.

not only does the united methodist church own the closest faith-based property to the united nations in new york city, we also own the closest faith-based property to this nation’s capitol in washington dc. visiting this building was my first real experience with the global church. i was nineteen. i was young. i grew up in a small town, then went to college in an even smaller town in rural west virginia.

sure, i knew something about rural poverty issues but i knew next to nothing about social justice issues effecting the rest of the world. heck, i quickly learned that i knew next to nothing about the social justice issues within my own community.

those few days during that seminar in dc changed the way i saw the world. before that, i had never heard of a carbon footprint and had no idea that human trafficking even existed. woven throughout learning about all of these issues, we also learned about systemic injustice and the legislation that either works to eradicate or sadly to prolong these community issues.

the most uncomfortable and equally incredible part of the seminar program, though, was when susan, the seminar program director, handed out paper and pens and led us in writing to our state representatives to demand justice.

i had spent many years going on mission trips, collecting canned goods, donating clothing and all kinds of other charitable acts. never before had i thought about the idea that there may be laws out there that are keeping people in poverty. never before had i thought about writing to congress or signing petitions or marching to the capitol – all things that the united methodist women are involved with on a regular basis.

when i took college students from pfeiffer to experience the same seminar program just a few years ago, susan took that activity a step further and showcased the very reason the united methodist church thought it was important to own land on capitol hill when they picked it out in 1917.

we walked across the street and met with our congresswoman. students shared about what they were passionate about. they respectfully asked her to keep their stories and opinions in mind when it came time for her to vote and represent them as citizens of her state. that remains one of my favorite moments as a Christian educator.

when i think of united methodist women, i think of that seminar program and that united methodist building on capitol hill. i think of mrs. wilson, who drew the original plans for the building whose lobby walls are engraved with the scripture “what does the Lord require of you but to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

when i think of united methodist women i think of these life-changing experiences throughout my journey. from global initiatives like seminars at the church center or the united methodist building to conference-wide initiatives like camping ministry and the summers i spent at camps wanake, asbury and aldersgate, to incredibly personal connections with united methodist women here at grace who taught me to play piano, taught me sign language, led sunday school and youth group and taught me what it meant to be a Christian. these moments, and so many more, have influenced me in magnificent ways.

as i’ve moved around throughout my life, finding new churches to call home in each new city i’ve seen a lot of different types of communities but one thing has been consistent. in every church community i find the united methodist women humbly serving their church and actively seeking justice in their community.

i am proud to be a woman of the united methodist church, and every day i strive to live up to the legacy the umw continues to leave in our churches and in the world. what does the Lord require of you? ask a united methodist woman. i bet she’ll be able to show you.

i failed.

here we are, 12:14am on good friday.
and i can't even tell you what the last two weeks' challenges were for my lent project.
i failed.

and i could tell you that i'm frustrated that i didn't stay committed to it. because i am.
and i could tell you that i feel guilty for not finishing the project. because i do.

i tell you because you are the people who hold me accountable. the people who love me in spite of myself. who challenge me to be more than i am. who laugh with me at life's most perfect moments. who cry with me when i break down over the phone because i'm just so overwhelmed.

and i am overwhelmed.

i have three huge, very public projects going on at work right now and although i'm confident that i can do them well i am terrified that i won't meet my deadlines.

on top of that, i'm preaching next sunday. i still have no sermon.

and that may not sound like a lot to you. maybe because it's not. but for me....for this week....for who i am right now and where my heart is, well it is. it is a lot. nearly too much.

i am overwhelmed.

so instead of taking time out of my days to focus on my lent project....i attempted to make some headway on the pile of life choking every last breath out of me.

and i failed.

i should have taken the time for the relentless acts of sacrifice.
i should have made time for intentional acts of service.
i should have spent quality time with my Maker.

i failed.

forgive me, please...

my body can't decide if it wants to weep for hours or pass out for days.
my mind won't stop long enough for either to occur.

so tonight, as i lie down for yet another night of staring at the ceiling, i set gungor's 'please be my strength' on repeat and let the song be my prayer.

"please be my strength, because i don't have any more..."

hypocrite

"hypocrite" he said. i felt his eyes on me as he said it. i knew he was talking about me even before my eyes met his, full of justified anger.

we had grown up in the church together, so although we had never been close friends we had known each other for years. we were gathered at the church with other senior high students for a unique bible study setting. having just finished the disciple bible study series, our class was looking for a way to continue the depth of conversation we experienced through the disciple series while exploring other topics.

our fearless adult leaders were absolutely incredible. the bartuneks are wonderful people and led us with this incredible freedom, allowing us to ask questions and be fully ourselves without consequence while simultaneously instilling such wisdom into our young hearts and minds.

when we decided to continue meeting, they created a unique space where we would come together with no agenda, no lesson, nothing. they brought a multitude of tote bags filled to the brim with a variety of translations of the bible, concordances, atlases - all kinds of biblical research resources. each week we came together, brainstormed what topic we would discuss, then hit the books in search of what scripture had to say to our experiences.

to this day, that short-lived bible study has been my favorite small group / sunday school / bible study adventure. i loved the freedom and the study, the mixture of scripture and personal experience, the wonderful people who gathered at the table each week.

i loved that bible study, but man, i hated the week we discussed hypocrites.

i had heard through the grapevine that was the name he was calling me at school, so it shouldn't have shocked me so much when "hypocrite" was the word that came out of his mouth as we brainstormed what would be our topic that evening.

but i was absolutely caught off guard. stunned, actually.

my face burned, my eyes watered, my stomach turned. i wanted to vomit.

...because it was true.
i was a hypocrite.

my best friend and i talked a good talk, but if i was completely honest with myself, i was just as catty and pretentious as the typical high school so-called "mean girl". i wasn't anywhere close to being the most popular girl in school, but that didn't matter. you don't have to be popular to treat others poorly.

to top it off, i was incredibly shy. so when i wasn't ignoring people because i didn't care about them, i was avoiding them because i was afraid of being socially awkward and making a fool of myself. either way, i looked like a snob. (i still struggle with that self-conscious shyness.)

maybe it was just a coincidence. maybe he wasn't really calling me out. it doesn't really matter though, because i needed the smack in the face.

i've spent the last ten years working on becoming the person i was created to be. i've screwed up a lot. my early twenties were full of a poor choices. heck, i was a co-founder of "team bad decisions" in my early charlotte years. and there have been moments when i've fallen back into that former version of myself and it hasn't been pretty.

...i'm going to pause here because i don't want anyone out there thinking that i was out there overdosing on drugs and stealing cars. when comparing my bad decisions with someone like lindsay lohan, well i've always been an angel. the point is, though, that i wasn't called to be lindsay lohan. and i wasn't called to be 22-year-old havaleh havelka forever either. i am called to become someone better than that.

to this day, whenever i see him or i hear the word "hypocrite" i think of that moment in high school and the shame and embarrassment that came along with it.

and when i thought of my lent challenge for this week, i thought of this story and how it has impacted my entire life since. this week i'm supposed to sacrifice what describes me. i've spent the past decade trying to do just that. because once upon a time, the word "hypocrite" described me and every day i get a little bit closer to changing that.

what words describe you? do you take ownership of them? do you take ownership for the values you export through your actions, your decisions, even your language?




Propaganda Solo: Sacrifice What Describes You from World Vision ACT:S on Vimeo.

sacrifice what describes you

Week Three: Sacrifice What Describes You from World Vision ACT:S


"we've all heard the phrase 'actions speak louder than words', but do we really believe it? ...what choices can we make that showcase the things we're passionate about?" ~ sam

i became a member of my church today. and it was one of the loneliest things i've done in a long while. as i stood in front between an adorable young couple from georgia and a woman who was excited because she had already joined the elderberries, a group for mature single women, well, i couldn't have felt more awkward. am i destined to join the elderberries too?

last week, at the membership class, the director of membership invited all of us to write a few sentences about ourselves for the pastors to read aloud as we are introduced to the congregation. i didn't know what to write. other people in the class wrote about their involvement in their last church or about how they ended up at st. luke's. my past involvement in the church has been that of employment. and not that i want to keep that a secret or anything, but i don't want that to be how i'm known here. i want to create a new church identity for myself.

so, what did i write on the page? "recently moved here from north carolina." yup. that's it.


what describes me? clearly i don't have a clue.

i'm going to have to think about this one some more...

sacrifice what feeds you

"what feeds you? what nourishes your body and mind? ...reevaluate what you eat and the information you take in in order to expand your world view." ~ sam

i apologize for my lack of writing this week! although i didn't write, i have been keeping up with this week's challenge - to sacrifice what feeds me.

this week, i drank only water in an effort to be reminded of just how privileged i am to have clean water at my disposal. and while i drank water this week, i thought about blood:water mission and the incredible work they are doing.

i thought about how a band partnered with a 21-year-old college student to start an organization with the goal of building 1000 wells in african communities. and i thought, what the heck am i doing?

so i attended the membership class at church. and i inquired about volunteering with the youth group. and i took the first steps to getting in contact with someone at the united methodist publishing house. these are my commitments for lent, and it's time for me to get moving. is it building a well in africa? no. but maybe, just maybe, through my volunteering ro my writing i'll help influence others to learn more about these issues and act on their convictions as well.

i think it's important to note that i screwed up this week. before i even realized what i had done, i finished a soda at lunch on wednesday. that was a harsh reminder for me that ignorance is all too easy to fall into. i couldn't even make it a whole week without forgetting to drink only water. how can i make it a lifetime without forgetting about the causes i believe in? 

that's why this lenten project is so important for me. i need to be reminded. i need to be surrounded by reminders. through the people i call friends, through the furnishings in my home and my office, through the food i eat and the water i drink, through the books i read and the news i watch.

Week Two: Sacrifice What Feeds You from World Vision ACT:S on Vimeo.

break my heart for what breaks Yours

i've been invited to deliver the message for the united methodist women (umw) sunday worship service in april. being the daughter of the umw president and the church organist brings it's own challenges, that's for sure. how could i turn down my mother when she asked me to speak a year in advance? and now my father is asking for scripture reading and key messages of the sermon so he can plan the music for the service accordingly.

all that to say, i've been thinking a lot lately about what that sermon will be about. i've been thinking about all of the opportunities i have been given by the united methodist women organization and about the individual united methodist women who have touched my life in such profound ways.

i think about going to summer camp with my friends as a kid and the united methodist women's scholarships to the camping funds, making those camps possible.

i think about the united methodist woman who connected me with the curriculum writing school at the united methodist publishing house when i was in college.

i think about the world health seminar at the church center of the united nations that i attended for free because i worked for one of the thirteen universities founded by united methodist women.

i think about the united methodist woman at the general board of church and society who opened my eyes to the world of social justice and especially to the every day work we can do to eradicate poverty.

i think about that transformational weekend spent in that beautiful building that united methodist women built on capital hill because they knew they had to be IN it in order to change it.

i think about the words written along the ceiling of the main lobby in that building: "and what does the Lord require of you? to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." ~ micah 6:8

which brings me back to last week's challenge.

"what breaks your heart? what makes you want to stand up for what you believe in? and what do you have to see everyday to remind you of what's important?" ~ sam

my challenge was to sacrifice my surroundings in order to remind myself of what i believe in and the causes i hold dear. so, for my home i created these:

and, to remind me why i do the work that i do, for my office i made this:

it all makes me think about a beautiful song by eddie from ohio - walk humbly son:
walk humbly, son
walk humbly now
and cherish every step
for a life well spent
on this earth we're lent
will be marked by the void you have left
 
may you conquer not curse challenges
may you hold back the dark like a dam
may you lead your life with lion's roar
may you leave it like a lamb
don't await rewards for your good deeds
a reward won't make them good
don't await judgment of any foes
they'll receive just what they should
 
when you find the axis of this world
don't tread too far inside
run away as far as you think you can
be well and enjoy the ride
walk humbly, son
and store your pride
when you need strength later on
for your life's work will be judged if earth
is saddened when you have gone
walk humbly, son
walk humbly now
and forget not where you are from
may you go further than those before
and provide for those to come
 
will you walk humbly, son

sacrifice what surrounds you

"what breaks your heart? what makes you want to stand up for what you believe in? and what do you have to see everyday to remind you of what's important?"

i write today from a hotel room in brooklyn. it's too easy for me to say that i've sacrificed a lot of my normal environment over the past few days because i've been living out of a suitcase, but what i'd like to talk about is a different kind of change in my surroundings.

last night, as i rode the train from midtown back to brooklyn i stared through the window at the graffitti on the inner subway tunnel walls as we shot through the earth at nauseating speeds. it made me think about a book i read in middle school about a boy who lived in the subway tunnels, eating from trash cans and collecting dropped pennies to buy necessities. i thought about his nightly battle with rats and the syringes scattered along the tunnel floors. i thought about how the writer described the dance with fear and courage as the subway trains raced by, only inches from the boy's fingers, toes, or face.

around the canal street stop or so, a man stepped onto our car and stood near our little group. he smiled a huge toothless smile and watched my friends talk and laugh and joke together. a few stops later, he exited the train. as he climbed the stairs right outside of my window i watched as his toes peaked through large holes and his socked heels spilled over the back of tennis shoes that were much too small for his feet.

my heart grew weary and it made me think about my life as of late. i am speeding through life focused only on myself. it's easy when you live in suburbia and drive yourself to work each day to forget about anyone other than yourself. it's also fairly easy to research the issues, write letters to congress, volunteer for local organizations or simply spread the word and educate others about the cause.

i haven't yet decided what will change in my apartment and my office when i return home, but for now the change of community is opening my eyes and reminding me on a daily basis of the work left to do for the poor in our neighborhoods. i may not share a subway ride with them in indy but they are there, just the same.




Week One Challenge: Sacrifice What Surrounds You from World Vision ACT:S on Vimeo.

what are you willing to sacrifice?

here we go, lent 2012. last year i spent 40 days reconnecting with my faith on a deeply spiritual level. each day i wrote prayers, liturgies, letters to God. it's amazing for me to look back through those entries here and to see how much deeper my connection with my Creator was by the end.

this year, i was looking for another meaningful lenton project when i saw one of my favorite artists (scott erikson) tweet about world vision's reLENTless act:s of sacrifice. i immediately signed up. this was a project i could get behind. over the next six weeks i'm going to explore how acts of sacrifice can reorient my everyday life. each week i will receive a challenge to explore this idea of sacrifice in specific areas of my life and to put that thought into creative action.

to begin, why is it important that we think about sacrifice? why should we be sacrificial?
"the short answer...is because Christ did." ~ propaganda.

and how do i define sacrifice? we sacrifice when we give up part of ourselves for someone other or something greater than ourselves. furthermore, it's not just charity. it's not just giving money we won't miss or cleaning my closet of old clothes that don't fit anymore. as jonathan said, "God did not give us hand-me-downs."

so what am i willing to sacrifice this season of lent? my millennial need for accolades and fear of rejection. no, it's not selling everything i own and moving to south america, but it's what i feel God calling me to do and that makes it worthy.

my commitments for the next 6 weeks:
- stick with the act:s project. even if i'm traveling. even if i'm exhausted. especially if it's hard.
- reach out to the united methodist publishing house and inquire about curriculum writing
- officially become a member of my church
- contact the youth pastor and inquire about volunteer opportunities

this may not sound like much to you. for me, though, these are big deal commitments. i've never had the opportunity to be anonymous at a church before. for 8 months i've been attending church without anyone knowing me. growing up, it was (i won't say required...) expected that i attend worship. since college, it has been my job to attend worship. this is the first time in my life that church is an option.

i have to say, it's been nice to go to church without any responsibilities. i can see why it's so easy for so many to fall into that pattern. but my Creator blessed me with experience and education that prepared me to offer something more to the church. i believe that i am sinning by not utilizing my gifts within the church. it will be difficult to get involved in the church. i'm an introvert and i'm shy and I'm somewhat socially awkward. as i meet new people and try out different small groups that fear of rejection will keep my heart pumping, that is for certain. then as i apply to volunteer with the youth programming, i will come face-to-face with a whole host of other challenges.

and then there's reaching out the um publishing house. when i was in college, i dreamed of writing curriculum for the publishing house. i got a job in youth ministry because i felt that it was important to have that experience before writing the curriculum. i stand by that decision, but i also recognize that as the months then years passed i all too quickly let go of the dream of writing. now, here i am today with a full-time job writing curriculum for my Fraternity. it's time that i put myself out there and take the risk to see if that original dream can ever come true.

will this be a sacrifice of my time? yes. but more importantly it will be an offering of the gifts God has granted me.

i don't feel called to move to another country or to found a social justice organization. for a long time i felt guilty about that. i saw college friends move to africa to work at orphanages. i saw others work for organizations building wells in developing countries so they will have clean water. what was i doing and how could it compare?


if i'm honest, the real question i was asking was, "how could i compare?"

i care too much about myself and what people think of me. the terrifying idea of rejection looms too near. i don't contact a publisher because i fear they won't want my book. i don't talk to the man at the market because i fear he'll think i'm weird. i care entirely too much. this lenton season, i'm sacrificing the comfort of my complacent life by taking chances i've been too fearful to risk, in one case for a decade now.

"it's gonna be a challenge, but it will be worth it." ~ sam

if any of this sounds interesting to you, i encourage you to join the challenge. also, check out this bible study resource uc irvine created to use in a weekly small group with students. 

"and so, dear brothers and sisters, i plead with you to give yourselves to God because of all he has done for you. let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. this is truly the way to worship him. don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect" ~ romans 12.1-2

what coffee and flowers have in common

this morning, as i poured my second cup of coffee i couldn't help but smile. grandpa always drank coffee when went we went out to eat. it didn't matter what meal it was - breakfast, lunch or dinner - he always ordered a cup of coffee. as waitresses would stop by to check on our table and see if he wanted a refill, he would always say "sure, warm me up". it never made sense to me.

until this morning.

did i need that second cup of coffee? nope. did i even want that second cup of coffee? not really. but the little bit left of my first cup was lukewarm because apparently i wasn't drinking it quickly enough. it needed warmed up.

funny how something so small can completely change your day. all day, i have felt grandpa with me. he was with me in the kitchen at work as i poured that second cup of coffee. he was with me as i ever-so-lightly stroked pete's head as we made our way to ohio. he was with me as i passed grocery stores where men walked to their cars with last minute valentine's day flowers.

ask anyone, and they'll tell you. my memory is missing some vital hardware or something because i can barely remember which fake name i've given the lady at the counter when they call it out loud five minutes later as my sandwich order is filled.

i don't remember much, so most of this story comes from the story i've heard over the years. really, grandma is the one who tells it best, but i'll try my hardest to get it right.

one year, many years ago, i learned that my grandpa had never given my grandma flowers. never. in the decades that they had been married, he had never once shown up at the door with so much as a single flower for her.

grandma says that i was outraged and i told him that it was simply pitiful. (she makes a lot out of quoting me here, when she tells the story. she probably says the word pitiful about seven times before moving on with the story. ...the thing is...pitiful doesn't sound like something i would say. pathetic? sure. but pitiful? i'm not sold. regardless, grandma's storytelling always includes a great emphasis on the word, so i don't question it.)

a little while later, i sent grandma flowers and signed the card "pitiful". (or at least, that's how grandma tells it. again, i don't question her on the facts, but i would imagine the truth is that i mentioned it to mom and dad and they did it all.)

grandma loves this story. you should see how much she smiles and laughs as she tells it.

i love the story too. because if you read between the light-hearted lines, you'll find a beautiful love story.

here was a woman who didn't complain because her husband never bought her flowers. she laughed about it. here was a women who didn't question her marriage or her husband's love because he didn't buy her pretty things or offer her grand gestures. she didn't need flowers to know he loved her.

maybe it's because he never let the love run cold. maybe it's because he was consistently warming it up.

love isn't meant to be a sprint. it's a marathon. and if you're going to make it for the long haul, the relationship is going to need constant care and attention. it's going to need to get warmed up every chance you get.

want another fun story? my dad worked at a flower shop when he and my mother were dating and you know what he used to send my mom? dead flowers. yes, DEAD flowers. clearly the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. (he claims it's because mom would make potpourri out of them. she defends him.)

i may joke, but i pray that i can find a love like that of my parents and my grandparents: the kind that doesn't need flowers. the kind that never gets cold.