lost and found

have you ever put something into safe keeping so safely that you forget where you put it?

i do it a lot. you would think that i would have learned my lesson by now. i have a horrible memory, so it's no surprise that i would forget where i put important things that aren't used regularly.

today i lost something. something really important. truly very important. a document that can't be reproduced. a one of a kind. it's gone. i can't find it anywhere. i have seen it since the big move, so i know it made it to indianapolis. what's really pathetic is that the reason i know it was in this apartment at one point was because i've already lost it once since moving here. now it's gone again. and i need it. like, now.

i am so frustrated. more than that i'm disappointed. and disappointment is so much more self-deprecating than frustration.

unfortunately, i don't just misplace things, i misplace people sometimes too.  the down side to loving so many fantastic people on this earth is that it is impossible to frequently communicate with every friendship over the years.

there are friends that i put into safe keeping, so to speak. there are 2 minute conversation friends and there are 2 hour conversation friends. it's hard to find 2 hours in a normal day, so i keep the calls at bay. i wait to call until i have time to really devote to the conversation. theoretically, like putting important documents in hiding, this is a great plan. theoretically, it means that i care about those conversations too much to cut them short.

but sometimes i put these conversations on hold for so long that i lose touch with the friendship. i miss important birthdays or anniversaries. i miss life altering moments that occur between phone calls. ...i miss life.

eventually, though, i make the call. or they do. and we talk. we catch up on each others' lives and we swap stories. we take up every moment of those 2 hour conversations with true dialogue, a sincere communion of hearts and minds.

in those moments, i find the meaning of true friendship, even if those moments are few and too far between. in those moments, i am found.

hopefully i'll find the document i was looking for too...