perfectly lonely

to all the mothers out there who thought i would end up with their sons: please stop telling me.

although it is flattering to know that they like me enough to consider being my mother-in-law (and in most cases, i would absolutely love to call them family because of the joy they bring to my life), well, it's awkward and sometimes hurtful.  i don't know how to respond.  in some cases, i did date their son.  maybe their son was a jerk.  or maybe i screwed it up (i'm good at that).  or maybe we were or are great friends.  or maybe i barely even knew them (those are the really awkward ones...).

years ago one of my friends told me, "oh, we're sure that one of us is going to eventually marry you. we just haven't decided which one yet."  i could have punched him in the face.  i didn't.  ...but i could have.  i refuse to be anyone's consolation prize.

if i had a dollar for every time someone said to me, "oh i was sure you would end up with __(fill in the blank with pretty much any guy i've ever known)__" i'd be rich.  i'm sure that it is usually, if not always said with the best intentions.  however, i can't help but fight the urge for a violent response.

because it makes me feel like i failed somehow.  like, even though maybe i wasn't ever interested in even dating some of these guys, i failed by not somehow inspiring them to fall in love with me over the years.  like i wasn't good enough.  like i'm still not good enough.  or like being single is a crime, somehow.  like they think there must be something wrong with me because i'm single.

"oh honey, how are YOU still single?" has the same effect.

the truth is that i'm perfectly happy being single right now.  i can do whatever i want, whenever i want without a care in the world.  "a simple little kind of free" as john mayer puts it.  it took me fifteen minutes to make the decision to move across the country to take a new job.  there would have been a lot more to that decision, had there been a man in my life at the time. 

eventually, i will probably end up meeting an incredible man, get married and settle down, but for now i'm enjoying playing the field, spending time figuring out who i am and who it is i'm looking for, which, i'm pretty sure is not any of the previously mentioned sons.  i mean, it could be, but probably (almost absolutely) not.